


We are beautiful, we are doomed.

by Spectrum (Werepirechick)



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Alien Culture, Culture Shock, Denial of Feelings, F/M, Feelings Realization, Horny Teenagers, M/M, Multi, OT6, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Outer Space, Polyamory, Secret Relationship, Secrets, Self-Denial, Self-Hatred, Sibling Incest, Sleeping Together, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Space Arc, Teenage Drama, The Author Regrets Everything, The Author Regrets Nothing, everyone is just one hot mess here, guys the answer was poly all along, it all makes sense in my head okay, perfect sense, rated explicit cause this ain't morally acceptable
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2018-08-01
Packaged: 2018-11-01 23:23:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,172
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10932168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Werepirechick/pseuds/Spectrum
Summary: Six months in close quarters, without real parental supervision or breaks from one another, is enough to give them all a shift and a shove to their relationships. Mostly it’s a lot of poor communication, panicking, and denial. Some of it is inevitability at work, with a dash of unstoppable teenage trauma and hormones.Mostly, its six kids, related and not, figuring out love and all its disasters.





	1. Act 1 - in which we begin the inevitable climb to disaster

**Author's Note:**

> the answer to our problems was poly all along. it was right in front of my face and i never saw it. no one has ever embarked on this highly dangerous mission and damn if i'm not excited to.

 

 

Sometimes, April stares a little too long at her boys, and can’t help tracing the way they move, or reaching out to feel how their thoughts flutter and shift quick as their emotions. She’s known them for three years, Casey for two, and she loves them all equally. Maybe more than she should.

Mikey’s had his family all his life, and it’s only just gotten bigger with time. He loves them all with every fibre of his being, and even though they can all be huge assholes sometimes, he knows they’d always be there for him. Even if he went and found out something he probably shouldn’t have, and then couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Donnie has three frustratingly destructive siblings he can’t help but adore, a girl who is a friend but not his girlfriend he who most definitely loves, and a seriously big thorn in his side who inspires irritation and sometimes other things in him. He has work to do, though, and thinks about none of these things unless he has to.

Leo is an eldest brother and he’s only ever wanted to do right by that title; and now days he’s got two extra individuals to watch and worry after. He’s a leader and he’s stressed and he’s trying his hardest to not let thoughts that could wreck his whole life creep in.

Casey has five best friends and a whole lot of adrenaline to burn with them. One best friend has a stick up his butt and always tries to lecture them, but Casey still thinks he’s pretty cool. Another has red hair and banging curves, and he’d let her do pretty much anything she wanted to him. The other red colored friend always meets him on even ground, and tends to try and wrestle Casey into said ground, which he doesn’t mind at all. One is like a kid brother he never had that turns every single thing into a childish game, but damn if Mikey couldn’t throw down when he felt like it. The last one makes Casey see red and black stars and he’d punch Donnie's smug look off no matter the circumstances, if only some circumstances didn’t sometimes make Casey also feel weird in ways he didn’t appreciate. He’s pretty sure he wouldn’t want to live life without the insane chaos they brought into his.

Raph just loves his family, all of them, the raging assholes they are, and he’s never quite known what to do with that.

Six months in close quarters, without real parental supervision or breaks from one another, is enough to give them all a shift and a shove to their relationships. Mostly it’s a lot of poor communication, panicking, and denial. Some of it is inevitability at work, with a dash of unstoppable teenage trauma and hormones.

Mostly, its six kids, related and not, figuring out love and all its disasters.

 

 

 

It starts with an explosion, like a good chunk of their life events do these days. And for the record: _so_ not Mikey’s fault. The engine is at fault here, not him. He’s sticking by that story, even though his genius brother gives him the most dubious look of ‘ _I’m sure you’re a lying liar but I can’t prove it just yet’_ Mikey has ever gotten in like, the last week or something.

Mikey gives Donnie his best grin, and just laughs at Leo’s despairing groans in the background of the video call. “I’m telling you guys, it just blew up! All on its own!”

 _“Like my coffee developed a case of shaving cream rabies all on its own?”_ Donnie says in his most dry and annoyed voice. He looks pained, remembering the event yesterday. _“Never mind that you defiled my one joy in life- how the fuck did you get shaving cream in_ space??”

Mikey sniffs. He is the most innocent turtle that ever was, obviously. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but I’m sure it was an accomplishment only a true mad genius could achieve.”

 _“Uh huh? That so,”_ Donnie gives him a narrow look. _“Maybe the mad genius wouldn’t mind being stranded for another five days, as punishment for his crimes.”_

Mikey laughs nervously. “Uh, I don’t know who the mad genius is, but I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t like that! Also, you’re the best brother who ever existed and I love you very much and will rub your shoulders for like an hour when I get back please don’t abandon me on a planet by myself again.”

 _“We’re not leaving Mikey alone on a random planet, Donnie,”_ Leo says in his leaderly voice in the background. He seems mostly past despair about Mikey accidentally not-breaking the brand new skimmer ship, and working his way into disapproval-for-your-own-good mode. _“It would be unfair to the local government.”_

 _“The damage he can do in twenty-four hours is astounding,”_ Donnie says with an offhand hum. Mikey gives them his most pleading puppy dog eyes, and bats his non-existent eyelashes. Donnie gives him another disgusted look, and sighs. _“Alright, fine. We’ll come get you and the skimmer. But! You’re rubbing my shoulders for_ two _hours, and you’ve lost solo flight privileges.”_

Mikey gasps, horrified. And they just got it too! It’s still shiny and new! Or, _was_ shiny and new. “You don’t have authority to do that to me! Abuse of the chain of command! Leo, Donnie’s rebelling again. Stop him.”

 _“Donnie, you don’t have that authority,”_ Leo says, making Donnie groan. Then, Leo smirks. _“But I do.”_

“Aw, what. Lame.”

_“You break it you get grounded.”_

“That’s not how the saying goes and you know it.”

Leo shrugs. Donnie looks vindicated. Mikey lets out the longest groan ever, because _god, such assholes._

“So when y’all gonna come find me?” Mikey asks, brushing off his annoyance. He can get them back later. He still has shaving cream to use, and oh there are so many uses for shaving cream.

 _“When we feel like it,”_ Donnie says, the same time Leo says, _“In another few hours, just sit tight.”_ The looks of _‘don’t undermine me’_ they exchange are, as always, really fucking hilarious to see. Donnie ends the call with a grumpy reminder that Mikey shouldn’t do anything _too_ stupid while they come get him. Mikey blows him a raspberry before the video call closes. And with that, he has a few hours to kill, and a whole new planet/village to explore! Score!

The local authority is super understanding. They helped him out of the only mildly painful crash, and then put out the small fire in the engine. Now they’re bustling around in what is probably their version of a police station, letting Mikey use the telecommunicator to call his family. The one he’s pretty sure is a lady cop waves at him as he leaves, her great big teeth bared in a smile as wide as his. They’ve got his bunked up ship in the impound thingy, so he’s good to wander off for a bit.

He stole some of Donnie’s totally-not-illegally-obtained-what-are-you-talking-about-Leo cash stash before he left, and now he can go wander around and buy some local cuisine. After fifteen and some years of eating the same types of non-perishables, and then bingeing on the cheapest cheapy foods April and Casey could afford to buy for the last three, Mikey hasn’t passed up a single chance to try new stuff even once the whole three weeks since they left earth.

Mikey skillfully ignores the soft sting of homesickness, and jogs off to explore the market and social culture of the planet he landed on.

He finds really tasty bugs on a stick. They look like cockroaches, but taste like tangy fruits. He buys five sticks and crunches on them thoughtfully as he considers what to do next. There are performers with string instruments that require four arms to play, jamming it out in the market’s center. Mikey hands his last two sticks to a random person he thinks is a kid, and throws himself into the sickest impromptu dance sequence ever imagined. It’s great, and earns him a round of applause when he’s done making himself at one with the upbeat jazz-like song. He gets his sticks back, but one is empty of bug treats. The kid gives him a slightly guilty look, and he deigns to just share the rest of the bugs with them.

The kid turns out to be like, ten or something, and is just the cutest little four armed ankle biter ever. Literally; they run into the kid’s older siblings, and they greet them by taking a chomp at their sib’s leg. It turns into a chompfest for a bit, and somehow, Mikey escapes losing his fingers to the kids’ sharp teeth, and gets invited home for lunch.

Mikey can’t tell who’s who in the house- there’s like, six or seven adults milling around- but he doesn’t let it bother him. The aliens are all super ambiguous about their genders anyways, so what if he can’t tell who the parents are of the nine rambunctious kids? Maybe the other adults are just neighbors, or uncles and aunts or something. No one looks old enough to be a grandparent, but _aliens,_ so what does Mikey know.

His brothers and friends- alright, maybe not Casey, but everyone else- would probably scold him for diving right into a situation he doesn’t know all the details of first, but hey, warm food and family atmosphere. Sounds great to him!

Except. He’s getting a bit confused, here.

The kids were pretty clear this is their family, that this is where their parents live, but… they never specified which set of adults were those parents, and…

Everyone… is kissing everyone? And not in a family kind of way. In a love-you-romantically kind of way.

Um.

What??

Mikey is super subtle, _super subtle,_ as he pokes the closest kid next to him at the table, and asks, “Hey, quick question, who here is your mom and dad? Or dad and dad or mom and mom, or parent plus parent or whatever I don’t judge- and, uh, why is everyone kissing each other like that?”

The kid, who has the cutest glasses perched on his pointy little nose, gives him a _‘are you stupid?’_ look. Mikey is pretty sure this one is called J’rmor or something like that. J’rmor is a little shit, as it turns out, because he says the same thing his expression does.

“Are you stupid?” J’rmor says, all clicking whistles out loud, but perfect English in Mikey’s translator. “They’re _all_ my parents. What kind of backwater planet did _you_ come from?”

…

Again, what??

“What??” Mikey repeats out loud.

J’rmor rolls his eyes, because he is indeed a little shit. He points with his multiple arms, gesturing at each person he points out. “That’s my M’tril, that’s her sister who’s my other M’tril, and that’s my Omu and his brother, my other Omu, and their partner who’s my Aulli-”

“Whoa, whoa, _whoa,”_ Mikey says, waving his hands rapidly. “You said _sisters_ and _brothers._ That’s not, uh.” Mikey doesn’t know how to go forwards with this. J’rmor gives him another look of condescension, and Mikey tries not to flail as he keeps going. “That’s not how- um. Not how families work on my planet? We all find individual people to date and stuff and then move out together and have like, two kids or whatever. We don’t date our- uh- brothers and sisters or anything, since. Um. People don’t like that where I’m from?? _Not that I’m judging I’m just super confused is all!!”_

J’rmor just shakes his head at Mikey’s flailing. “That’s weird,” J’rmor clicks in a slightly sad tone. “You all must get super lonely, not keeping everyone together.” He points at his collection of siblings on his left side. “We’re all going to stay together when we grow up and move out, find an Aulli or two. Normal stuff. Your planet sounds weird if you guys don’t do that.”

Mikey does not know what to do with this information.

He chooses to not do anything at all with it. He instead shovels a bunch of the purple probably-not-rice rice stuff into his mouth, and only thinks about how much it makes his tongue burn.

His brothers and friends and the professor, do _not_ show up in a few hours like they said they would. Mikey doesn’t get worried, because they all get into stupid amounts of trouble all the fucking time, and them getting here on time would have actually been a little weird. Mikey is invited to stay the night with J’rmor’s family, because they’re all really awesome folks. He accepts, because he has nowhere else to go, and he is also… curious.

Mikey watches the large family move around their home getting ready for bed. He continues to be confused about everything, because yep, the adults J’rmor pointed out as sibling-parents are stiiiill doing the kissing thing.

Is there a book for this? There’s a ton of family and dating books on earth, do they have a dating-your-family book here? Mikey has so many questions. About everything.

The kids swarm him one last time before they’re taken off to their bedrooms; lots of sharp teeth and scratchy little claws trying to put scrapes in Mikey’s scales. They don’t succeed, because he’s a tough cookie no matter what his bros think, and Mikey returns the swarming with the biggest hug he can manage. Then the kids are scooped up by their many armed parents, one kid per arm it seems, and carted off.

That leaves Mikey to talk a bit with one of the night owl residents. Mol’cia is a lovely lady, and Mikey has a nice conversation with her about her many, many children. Her eldest is almost old enough to take his right of passage, nearing teenagehood, and scale a sacred tree outside of town. The significance is lost on Mikey, but he nods along and congratulates her for that.

He can only resist asking for so long, and finally manages to blurt while not blurting, “So. Um. My planet is way, waaaaay far from here, and I was just wondering… we don’t have family setups like this, there, and I’m a little confused…? How does the sibling thing work in all this? Do you, uh…” Mikey is socially awkward, he knows this, but he knows better than to say _‘do you sex your siblings’_ to someone. He ends up going with, “…kiss them like you do, um, with those other people you’re probably married to? Like. Romantically and stuff.”

Mol’cia gives him a look, wary and amused at the same time. She folds her four hands together delicately, and gives him a serious sounding explanation. “I’m not sure what planet you come from, but on this side of our sector my family is a common one. Not all sibling clusters decide to stay together like I and mine have, but some do. And I love them the same as I love our two partners. What is it like on your planet, Michelangelo?”

Mikey shrugs, and again tries to not be insensitive. “We only date people we’re not related to, and marry only one person after that. And it’s usually only a boy and a girl allowed to do that. Plus, the whole… lots of people together thing, isn’t something I’ve ever heard about, before. And, uh, siblings aren’t supposed to do that on my planet. It’s…”

“Not an acceptable form of love?” Mol’cia finishes for him. Mikey nods awkwardly, and she gives him a gentle look. “I know much of the universe does not understand my people’s way of love, but it works for us, and its how things have always been, here. We have rules and such, to prevent unhealthy clusters from being born between siblings, but otherwise we love freely. Your society sounds so… constrained.”

Mikey grimaces. In a lot of ways, he agrees with that statement. “Yeah. It kind of sucks, sometimes. I kind of like travelling space a lot more than hanging around there.” He pauses, and then asks, “So do you guys have like, a book on family relationships here or something? I’m still a bit confused.”

Mol’cia gives him a book. She gives him _three_ books. Her brother, the second Omu J’rmor pointed out, is apparently always trying to find new ways to improve how their family lives together. Mol’cia seems relieved to gift the books to Mikey, and she chitters at her brother until he settles down again. There is kissing after that and suddenly the ceiling is awfully interesting to Mikey.

He opens the books, after everyone has gone to bed and he’s been tucked into his place on their big couch. He can’t read a thing. They’re all in whatever language his translators have been filtering for him. Mikey groans, and realizes he’ll have to save them for the ship’s scan-and-translate machine. And avoid letting anyone know about their contents as he does.

Wow that would be. So terrible. The absolute _worst._ He would never live it down and it would be brought up forever and ever like how Leo used to have a crush on Karai, their half-sister. This is on the same level; reading guidebooks to incest and other fun illegal activities. Illegal on earth, but apparently! Not! Here!

He’s just doing it because he’s curious! It’s totally innocent curiosity, and he’s pretty sure the professor told them to start familiarizing themselves better with space cultures. This is Mikey, learning about other cultures, and being such a respectful student while he does.

He is so weirdly fascinated by this whole thing he can barely stand it.

_Augh._

He opens another one of the guidebooks to see if the illustrations can give him anything useful. He finds a diagram of alien sex. A very detailed one. He decides he’s done enough studying for the night.

 

 

 

Mikey takes the books back to the ship with him, sneakily wrapped into brown paper and buried under tasty food he buys/is given by Mol’cia and the other adults before he leaves. His ship arrived somewhere in the late morning, and the authorities tracked Mikey down to tell him so. Mikey lets the kids tacklehug him one more time, and says goodbye to Mol’cia and her equally nice partners. He does not judge any of them, and takes their social ideals with a grain of salt.

Donnie gives him the world’s flattest look when he gets onto the ship. The skimmer has been totaled, and will need a complete overhaul for the engine block. Mikey is apparently lucky he didn’t implode in space as he was landing. Mikey gives Donnie a loving hug, and apologizes as profusely as he can. Donnie resists like he always does, before finally giving in and returning the squishy I’m-glad-we’re-all-still-alive hug.

Raph grabs Mikey in a noogie, and sideway hugs him tightly. Casey does the same, with added signature Jones heckling. April is comparatively delicate with her hug, but she whispers to him that if he ever got himself killed doing something stupid, she’d bring him back to life just to kill him herself. Mikey reminds himself once again she would so do this, and it makes him feel nice and gooey that everyone cares so much that they threaten bodily harm.

Leo sighs, long and weary, and is the last to collect Mikey in a hug. It’s good and firm, and makes the gooey feelings even gooier. The books in Mikey’s souvenir bag weigh heavily.

 

 


	2. three parts of the puzzle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> honestly, a big reason i'm writing this is simply to prove a point.

 

 

In a totally sneaky-sneaky manner, Mikey eventually gets around to translating the books.

Space is full of a lot of seriously amazing tech- Mikey can’t even begin to imagine just how the scanner works- and it’s really convenient once you know how to use it. Mikey pushes the books one at a time into the scanner, and waits patiently for the mainframe to process and translate them into digital format.

And by patiently, he means completely on edge the entire time, trying to not look like he’s doing something super suspicious and worth investigating. Which is actually kind of hard for him, because if he so much as _sneezes_ his family gives him suspicious looks. Alas, the life of a renowned prankster is a hard one.

The machine probably only takes a couple minutes to give him a holo-file, but it feels like three million years too long to Mikey. The moment it’s done, he grabs his books and his new holo chip, and runs like the coward he is right to his room.

Then he stares at the tiny little chip, and at the port he needs to clip it into on the holo-pad his room came with. It’s like an I-pad, except made of see-through not-actually-glass-glass and way more advanced than any earth technology. Donnie had practically fainted when he’d started to learn how to use them; babbling about a lot of techno junk that went completely over Mikey’s head and everyone else’s.

But, Mikey absorbed enough from those conversations that he knows how to use the holo-pad. Now he just has to actually make himself _use it,_ and plug the slim little chip into the port.

His door is locked and he double checked every location of his family members before doing this, but Mikey is still very, very nervous as he loads the incriminating data onto his pad. He reassures himself that he can just hide the thing along with the books under his bunk, should anyone come looking for him, but that doesn’t erase the tenseness he’s got jittering along his nerves.

The holo-pad lights up with confirmation of the data transfer, and asks if Mikey wants to open it for viewing.

Mikey bites his lip, and taps _yes._

Nothing big or dramatic happens as he does; just the screen loading up the choices of all three books to read. Each is a different length, and they all come with helpful little descriptions about their contents. Mikey chooses the shortest one, basing his choice on that as well as the description’s wording about _‘-for beginners,’_ in the summary.

Mikey breathes out slowly, and leans backwards into the pillow pile he’s accumulated over the weeks. It holds his shell comfortably, like the indent in his mattress at home does, and he tries to relax as he starts thumbing through the first chapter of the _dates, darlings, and decisions_ handbook for young sibling clusters looking to add unrelated partners.

Today is thankfully one of their off days; a light cycle they spend just goofing around doing whatever they want instead of hunting for generator pieces. They’ve got a good couple months before the deadline gets serious, and the professor has cautioned them against burning themselves out trying too much too fast. Mikey knows Donnie is once again locked in what passes for a lab on this ship, that Casey is napping on the couch while Leo watches _Space Heroes: Infinity Horizon_ for the fiftieth time, and that April and Raph are sparring in the holo-deck.

Mikey has a whole cycle to himself and his illicit books. He takes advantage of it, and lets the confusing and unfamiliar subjects draw him in.

He comes out of his reading haze educated, newly informed of the social intricacies of another planet, and thinking _welp, that’ll be the end of that._

He closes the holo-pad down, slides it away with his books under his bunk, and figures that’s the last he’ll be thinking of the subject.

 

 

 

April lands a solid punch to Raph’s chin, and forces him to back off enough for her to regroup. Raph swipes a hand across his cheek roughly, grinning challengingly as much as April is.

“Getting better with that right hook,” Raph comments.

“Thanks, you give me ample opportunity to,” April replies smugly. Raph barks a laugh, and launches himself back at her.

They’re not really sparring the way master Splinter trained them to; this is a no weapons, no bars hold, total brawl kind of fight. There’s no one spotting them- though maybe someone is, Donnie’s begun to get into every facet of the ship he can manage- and they’ve got no tally system for who’s winning. This is pure violence, with dashes of taunting here and there.

They started this tradition to blowing off steam back on the farmhouse, and April is still grateful for that fact. Even if the world has flipped its axis once again on her, there’ll always this easy option to stress relief. April never used to enjoy beating the shit out of people, but she certainly does now. And Raph’s similar feelings make him the perfect sparring partner for that activity.

April weaves around the punches coming her way, using her slighter body frame compared to Raph’s brothers to her advantage. He’s more used to fighting people as broad as he is; April’s shoulders and ribcage are so much smaller in comparison, and she knows it sometimes still throws him off. She takes every chance opening this gives her, and slides a rapid fire attack past her friend’s defenses.

Her knuckles, wrapped in tape specifically for this, ache a little as she hits his plastron. But she’s long since used to that pain, and pushes past it. Raph barely feels the attack- she’s strong, but not strong enough to wind him that way- and in turn hits her sternum with an open palmed blow.

April sees it coming, and moves with the impact; folding over and minimizing the amount of force it hits her with. She keeps going despite the slight decrease in her air supply, and opts to box Raph’s ear slits a bit. It forces him to retreat- instinctive reaction to having fists near his face- and April spins into her next attack without pause. Using the flexibility she’s worked years for, her leg swings upwards and her heel connects with his shoulder, just short of reaching his temple- but his hands grab her outstretched limb before it can finish its course.

April is yanked forwards with a startled yelp, Raph bending her backwards as he keeps her off balance. April is forced to grab his shoulders as he does, and laughs with him as he sweeps her into an awkward dip.

“You should know better than to get showy,” He admonishes teasingly. “I could break your leg in three places right now.”

April sees all the tiny nicks to his facial scales like this, light green scars on deep green skin. He’s not handsome, and he’s not charming, and she finds herself thinking how easy it would be to pull herself upwards to close the distance.

Instead, she smiles in a way that’s closer to a sneer, and says, “Ass, _you_ should know better than to let me do- _this.”_

And she shoves her palm against his plastron, and sends him flying off her with a blast of psychic power. She falls backwards as he lets go, and she nimbly catches herself to finish the tumble in three backflips away from the danger zone. When April comes back up, flipping her messy ponytail out of her face, Raph is getting back on his feet a good five metres away.

He gives her an annoyed look, blowing his mask tails off his flat nose. “Okay, fuck you for that, but good job throwing me across the room,” He sounds a little winded as he says that, and April gives him a triumphant grin for it. Raph rolls his eyes. “Felt like I got swatted by a flyswatter, and that’s something I never wanted to experience. How far do you think you could get me if you tried a second time and with more preparation?”

April’s powers thrum under her fingers as she flexes them, the pool of energy she’s drawing on still large enough for another try. “At least twice that distance, if I want to give myself a headache afterwards.”

Raph cracks his neck, fully recovered from the relatively mild attack April had aimed at him. He grins toothily, and April finds herself returning the expression.

“Let’s give it a shot, then,” Raph says, tugging his mask tighter, and then running full tilt at April. He comes at her swinging, yelling a warning cry as he throws a left hook that would knock her flat if it connected.

April moves as she’s been trained to. Following the motion’s path, grasping Raph’s arm as she spins, and using her powers to boost the throw she’s attempting. Raph’s feet leave the ground and April’s vision edges white, as she puts both physical and mental effort into lifting her two hundred and something pound friend, and heaving his fat ass right across the holo-deck’s floor.

The blast and throw combined send him flying, and April realizes they’ve made an error in their calculations. She’s attempting to throw him twice as far as last time; there is not twice as far to go the opposite direction of where he’s been thrown from.

Raph tumbles right into the metallic walls of the room, and hits the surface with a loud thud not six metres from where April threw him. April covers her mouth as an _“oh shit”_ escapes her, and Raph groans on the cold floor where he slumps off the wall.

“Oh my god- are you okay??” April calls worriedly, already running towards Raph.

Raph groans louder as he sits up, rubbing his head and wincing. “Okay, new rule for when we practice psychic blasting: we check where the wall is first.” He gives her a look that’s caught between exasperation and pride. “And you owe me three telekinetic favors for that stunt.”

April laughs as she kneels, wrapped fingers going to Raph’s skull to examine it for real injury. “That’s a fair exchange. Sorry about that, I thought there was more floor than there actually was.”

“Yeah, you and me both,” Raph grumbles without real annoyance, as April turns his head this way and that. April is careful around the spots she suspects will show bruises later, and lets herself brush her finger tips over them with only the slightest tenderness.

“Well, you’re not dying,” April announces, finishing the checkup with a patronizing pat to his shell. “However, I’m sorry to say your B.O. is chronic and likely to never be cured.”

“Wow, you have no fucking leg to stand on with that comment. Miss _I-literally-have-only-three-shirts_.”

“At least I _have_ shirts.”

“You have boobs, I don’t. Sorry April, I don’t make the rules society does.”

“That doesn’t excuse the lack of pants or deodorant.”

“The perks of being a turtle.”

April punches him in the arm, and Raph punches her back. She doesn’t think about leaning in to kiss the jaw she hit earlier, and instead starts egging him into another spar session.

 

 

 

Donnie tears his eyes away from the video feed he has pulled up, finally looking away from his brother and best friend having fun together. He’d decided to do a quick check up on all his family members, and found two of them doing something that makes his stomach squirm a little.

Maybe he’s a little jealous, that his brother has an easier time connecting with April these days than Donnie does. He’s not sure when that happened, when he and April drifted apart like they have, and that bothers him.

Well, at least she’s happy; there’s so much on their plates right now, and he sees April frowning more often than smiling. Seeing her grin and laugh with his brother while they beat each other up might make a small part of him envious, but for the most part he’s happy they’re both feeling better. The two of them brood almost as much as Leo when they really get into it. Their muffled laughter through the video is a good change.

He sighs, switching the camera feed to a different location. He’ll leave them to their brawling, and do a quick once-over when they’re done to make sure they didn’t injure themselves.

Mikey’s room is still closed, like it has been since breakfast, and Donnie suspects his brother is either sleeping or lost in a video game mod he’s downloaded. Donnie just hopes Mikey didn’t pick up one with a virus again; it took him and the professor a whole three hours to clean the whole network and get the television to stop playing Cascada on repeat.

Leo is still curled up in front of said television, eyes riveted to whatever episode he’s watching at the moment. He’d dragged blankets from his room at some point, and Donnie sees that his brother is intent on becoming the mutant blanket blob, the way he’s wrapped himself in them. Donnie doesn’t know if they’ll ever drag him off that couch; now that he’s discovered he can binge watch any iteration of _Space Heroes_ that’s ever existed.

Casey was with him earlier, but he’s not now. Donnie narrows his eyes at the screen of his current workstation; he doesn’t trust Casey not to wander off and accidentally eject himself into space. Or, not to wander off and eject himself into space _on purpose._

He shifts through the multiple cameras the professor has throughout the ship, checking all the danger spots first. The weapons locker, all the main exits, the thoughts-to-food machine in case he’s gotten a stupid idea in his head again…

Donnie finds Casey in none of those places, and furrows his brow. He’s not liking where this is going.

His hunch is confirmed, as two pointy elbows descend onto his shoulders.

“And here I thought you’d finally tossed yourself out the airlock,” Donnie drawls.

“What, and deprive you assholes of my presence? That’d just be cruel of me,” Casey drawls right back.

“And yet, I think we’d survive anyways,” Donnie says. He closes the camera feeds, pulling up the manuals he’s been memorizing before he’d gotten distracted. “You get bored of watching television with Leo or something?”

“He started talking to the screen again, and like, I can sleep through a lot of shit, but him gushing about captain Ryan just isn’t a thing today.”

“Yeah, he does that when he gets really into things.”

“So I thought I’d come chill up here for a bit, see if we’re near any cool places I could beam down to.”

“More like you came up here to antagonize me and be a general nuisance until we dropped you at the nearest planet.”

“Asshole.”

“Bitch.”

“Chode.”

“Dickbag.”

“Egotistical error.”

“Fuckhead Mc’Gee-”

“Is this some sort of human friendship activity?” Professor Honeycutt interjects, looking up from the monitors for the ship’s engine.

 _“No,”_ Donnie and Casey reply at the same time.

Honeycutt’s face can’t convey expression, but he manages to give them a dubious look anyways. “Hm.”

Donnie elbows Casey’s sternum, forcing the human to get off his shell. “Bug off, Jones. I’m going actual work here.”

“You’re just reading a bunch of stuff, which is basically all you’ve been doing the past month,” Casey says testily as he swats Donnie’s arm. “C’mon, get your head out of that shit for once and come do cool stuff. Like fixing that skimmer so we can go and actually _do_ cool stuff.”

“Use the scout ship if you’re that desperate to go places,” Donnie says, swatting Casey right back. “I’ve got a couple thousand years worth of technology and science to learn in six months or less; I’m too busy for ‘cool stuff’.”

“Lame,” Casey says, giving Donnie a deeply disappointed look. “And I thought you’d be all over the whole ‘new planets’ to explore thing.”

“I am, just not with you.”

“Okay, fuck you.”

“No, no, fuck _you.”_

Donnie stands up as Casey gets in his face, meeting the only individual on the ship who’s as tall as he is at eye level. They stare at each other, waiting for the other to back down, and Donnie’s feels uncomfortable feelings rise in his throat.

Honeycutt looks back and forth between the two of them. “Are you sure this isn’t-?”

 _“It’s not,”_ Donnie and Casey say before the professor can even finish. Then, because the moment is broken, they back off at the same time; Casey skulking back out of the engine room and Donnie returning to his seat at the computer.

Donnie feels Honeycutt giving them both looks, and hears him blip quietly to himself, _“Terrans are so strange.”_

Donnie pushes the bundles of unwanted feelings back out of his mind, and finds himself inclined to agree with the professor’s statement.

 

 

 

Sometime later, Mikey is sitting at the dining table with his whole family a few days after he’s finished the handbooks on his pad.

And he finds himself thinking something he shouldn’t, and wondering something else he shouldn’t, and whispers very quietly to himself as he watches his brothers and friends laugh warmly together-

“Oh fuck,” Mikey says to himself, catching the questioning thought and fully understanding the implications of it.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the stage is set, time to roll out the conflicts and rising action.


	3. an "if only" sort of thing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey look, more of this.

 

 

Mikey can’t get it out of his head. How happy Mol’cia and her family were.

If he’s honest, he’s a little jealous of them.

It’s been a hard few months, and though they’re still all here, still all together, Mikey knows his family has… drifted. In little ways, they’ve drifted.

Staring at them from his spot at the table, hearing all of them laugh and talk together, for maybe the first time in a number of weeks- it puts a warm spot in his chest and he wants more of it.

It’s been a while since Leo really relaxed and smiled, or Donnie came out of his sciencing fugue, or April and Raph and Casey did anything other than find someone or something to have a good fight with. It’s taken this long for them all to really shake off what the destruction of earth was to them- Mikey not excluded, he still has moments of seizing panic in his chest, because he hadn’t been able to do anything for his dad or his friends or earth, they’d all just been _gone-_ and it’s like a heavy tension is slowly releasing itself from the six of them.

Mikey sees that moment, the bubble of warmth and familial comfort they’ve created at the dining table, and he wants to bottle it up and keep it forever. Because eventually something will go wrong again and _pop_ \- there it’ll go.

He likes it better when his family is smiling. It makes it easier for Mikey to smile, too.

In that moment of nothing-is-wrong-and-we’re-okay-for-once, Mikey’s memory compares the scene to the family dinner in Mol’cia’s home. Which is fine, because families are sometimes similar like that, far as he knows.

And then he glances at April, Donnie, and Casey, and wonders if the three of them will ever figure themselves out, since Donnie and Casey have a mostly okay friendship now between the two of them, and April has remained mum to him about if she’s really interested in either of them. Mikey would rather things stay like they are, instead of one of his brothers or friends getting hurt by that sort of choice.

And then he glances at Leo, who is sitting the closest to Donnie and in a heated discussion of the plot value of Captain Ryan’s multiple romance interests, and thinks of how they sort of remind him of Mol’cia and her brother in that moment.

Of course, the image of them kissing pops into his head.

It happens so subtly, Mikey doesn’t even notice he’s thought of it for a full beat. And then he mentally freezes.

Ha ha.

Okay.

So. Never thinking of that again.

He’s giving himself the oogies, just thinking about something like that. Except he’s not.

The image stubbornly remains in his head, because trying to not think about something on purpose can be hard even for him, and the more he pokes at the idea of his brothers kissing the more he realizes it doesn’t seem… _that_ gross.

And what if he kissed Leo instead of Donnie.

Mikey nearly slaps a hand over his mouth.

What the _fuck_ was that sort of thought?

…and what if he did? Mikey’s never kissed someone like that. He’s _been_ kissed, on the cheek, on the forehead, but not on the lips. Leo hasn’t either, that Mikey knows of. Unless he had with Karai at some point, which would be so awkward to think about now, since… incest and all that.

Mikey’s head makes an unpleasant shriek, because isn’t that what he’s thinking about right now?

He’s had intrusive thoughts before, on and off for years, but he’s finding these ones a little more unsettling than some of his other ones had been.

Well fuck. Now he can’t look at anyone anymore, because all he’s getting is yucky incest thoughts and ew ew ew why did he read those books?

But.

Would it really be that bad? To be so close with his family?

Things used to be better with his brothers, fewer nights spent fighting and fewer days spent sleepless from nightmares, and Mikey misses the openness of being a real kid with them. They all grew up and got traumatized a bunch and somewhere along the way, it feels like they lost some of the closeness they used to have, being a little rougher or a little more distant or just not spending time together the way they really used to-

-and then there’s April and Casey, who still feel new sometimes, Mikey’s had his brothers his whole lives and he’s only just gotten his two friends, and April was his _first_ friend, all of their first friend, and he knows he and his brothers all love her in their own ways, and Casey was a disaster walking that fit right into their chaotic lives, like he’d always been there and always would be-

-and their little group has grown and changed so much because of all those things, and Mikey is looking at his brothers, his best friends, his _family,_ here and now and feeling happy and content with each other, and he wants that to _stay._

Being in Mol’cia’s home had been like looking in through a window at something he wanted, but never knew until he saw it.

He wants them all to be happy, and to stay together.

“Oh fuck,” Mikey whispers, because he wants that so very badly he can hardly stand it.

 

 

 

There is thankfully a day trip off the ship planned for them all to distract Mikey, and he takes all those weird thoughts and shoves them into a box, shutting the lid tight and piling other thoughts on top to keep it closed.

“What’s up with you today, Mikey?” Leo asks, giving him a side-eye as they walk through the city they’ve landed in. It’s got a majority population of tall tentacled beings, and Mikey is trying hard to focus on them and not his stupid thoughts.

Mikey wonders why he subjected himself to pairing off with Leo today, considering the thought he had earlier. He looks at the shops they pass instead of his brother. “I’m just a little tired, is all. Got a bad sleep.”

“You sure that’s it? You’re more distracted than you usually are.”

“What? Nah, I’m totally on the ball.”

“We’ve been walking in circles for ten minutes and you haven’t even noticed.”

Mikey looks at the shops they’re passing, and realizes Leo is right.

“…maybe I’m not on the ball.”

“I think you’re on the other side of the room from the ball, Mikey.”

Mikey rubs his eyes, not having to feign tiredness. “Ugh, sorry. I think I’m just having an off day or somethin’.”

“I know how those feel,” Leo says sympathetically, and Mikey’s eyes go to the scars across his brother’s neck and around his knee. Leo _does_ know how off days feel, since Mikey’s helped him through the worst of his before. Leo hasn’t put extra tape on his leg today, so maybe his joints aren’t as bad as they sometimes get.

“How’s the leg doing today?” Mikey asks.

Leo smiles. “Good. I got up and I didn’t have to stretch for more than a few minutes.”

“That’s good. You being careful with it?”

“With the stakes we’ve got right now, I have to be. Can’t have it crapping out on me in the middle of a fight.”

Mikey hums agreeably, because that would suck in so many ways. They’ve got enough to worry about without involving Leo’s injuries making an encore.

“Mikey?”

Mikey glances away from Leo’s scarred leg scales.

His brother is giving him a not quite but nearly concerned look. Mikey looks back at him, and for a moment remembers how it felt to nearly lose his eldest brother.

It nearly killed him. It nearly killed all of them.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Leo asks.

Mikey spent too many months watching Leo sleep, scared shitless that his brother wouldn’t ever wake up again. And Leo _had_ woken up, pulled all the broken pieces of himself back together enough to stand, and marched right back into the fight. For their family, for Mikey.

And here Mikey is thinking gross thoughts about their family, when Leo sacrificed his leg, his voice, and months of his life for them all.

Kind of makes him feel really shitty.

“I’m fine,” Mikey answers with a smile. “I think I’m just feelin’ a little hungry.”

Leo nods. “I could eat, yeah. Want to find a vendor?”

“Sounds good to me, bro. Want me to hold those bags by the way?”

“I told you, my leg is fine, Mikey. I’m not an invalid.”

“Well yeah, but I’m pretty sure you’re holding more than I am right now, and I’m not the one who’s gotta do physio every day still…”

 

 

 

April’s hair slips out of its loose ponytail part way through her dance off, but she’s fought real battles with worse than hair in her face, so she powers ahead regardless and just tears the elastic out completely. Snapping it around her wrist and following the lights as they instruct her.

The screen lights up as she slams her feet down into the final position, and announces her total annihilation of Casey beside her. She pumps her arms in the air, and lets out a victorious whoop.

Casey groans, and slumps against the railing of the machine. “No fair, Red, you totally cheated.”

“Excuse me, how exactly did I cheat?” April asks.

“By being way too cute for me to focus.”

April’s cheeks nearly flush, and she laughs. “Shame on you for letting the competition throw you off just by being prettier than you.”

“Uh, excuse _you,_ I never said you were prettier than me,” Casey grins, gap toothed and confidant. “We all know I’m the real hottie in the group.”

April laughs breathlessly, and gives her friend a shove. “Yeah, sure, you just keep telling yourself that, Jones.”

“You know I’m right,” Casey winks, and then shoves back. They end up in a shoving contest, until Casey’s foot slips on the edge of the dance floor and goes down hard on the gross carpet.

April can hardly breathe, she’s laughing too hard. “Oh sh-shit- you okay?”

“I landed on something warm and sticky,” Casey says, his lips drawn back in a grimace. “April, the carpet should not be warm and sticky.”

“We leave you two alone for ten minutes and April starts beating you up,” Raph says, appearing out of the surrounding crowd of aliens with Donnie in tow. He looks at April, giving her a serious expression. “Really, April, I thought we had the conversation about finishing our enemies off. Not leaving them half dead on the carpet.”

“I was taking my time with him,” April says, flipping her short hair over her shoulder.

“Raph, the floor is sticky and gross and also fuck you. I’m a goddamn gift to the universe and you should respect me more.”

“You’re on the floor of an arcade, Jones,” Donnie says drily. “The only respect you’ll get right now is as a floor mat.”

Casey flips Donnie off. “Fuck you too, Donnie. Fuck all of you assholes.”

Raph lightly kicks their friend’s shoulder. “Casey, get off the damn carpet. It looks like it’ll give you syphilis.”

“Maybe I want to stay on the sticky carpet. It cares about me more than you people do. Maybe I’ll stay with it forever.”

“Maybe you need fucking lunch and to stop running your mouth,” Raph says, holding a cardboard takeout box over Casey’s head. “Up or I drop it.”

“Fuck you.”

Raph drops the box.

Casey catches it without blinking.

“What’d you get?” April asks, stepping over their lanky friend and moving towards Donnie.

He gives her a smile, and holds out an identical box to Casey’s. “Something that looks like noodles but tastes kind of like a salad.”

April opens the box, looking at the steaming noodle things that are hot pink. She raises an eyebrow. “I don’t think even Mike’s ever gotten food to look like this.”

“The universe is a very big place, and it’s apparently big enough someone made food weirder than Mikey’s.”

April chuckles, and takes the two pronged fork that comes with the meal. “Thanks, I really worked up a sweat beating Casey’s ass.”

Donnie looks down at Casey, who is now trying to lower noodles into his mouth without getting up. “Not enough, it looks like. He’s still talking.”

April shrugs, and takes a bite of her food. It does in fact taste like a salad, and her brain takes a few bites to adjust to the weirdness of it. She listens to Raph and Casey bicker as she chews.

“You said the carpet was gross, Jones, why aren’t you off it yet.”

“I’ve become accustomed to it.”

Donnie wrinkles his nose at Raph and Casey. “We’re putting him in the washing machine when we get back.”

“Agreed,” Raph says, shaking his head as Casey drops pink noodles on his face.

April laughs around her bite, and sets to finishing the rather tasty noodles without accidentally inhaling them while Raph hauls Casey off the ground in an overcomplicated struggle.

When she hands the fork and box back to Donnie to throw in the garbage near him, his fingers brush hers for a moment. It’s a familiar kind of touch between her and the boys, scales on skin. Then they’re off, leaving the arcade and its gross carpet behind, and walking back out into the alien city.

April’s head swirls a little, at the sights and sounds and diverse races surrounding them, and it’s kind of nice. Since she found out she wasn’t fully human- or really human at all- it’s been a little weird, walking around New York like she’s a normal human being. Here, she’s every bit as strange as everyone else, and it’s a refreshing feeling.

It probably goes doubly for Donnie and Raph and their brothers, who’ve never gotten to walk city streets while they were crowded. It makes her heart ache a little, knowing that these outing trips are partially because they’re trying to soak up as much social interaction as possible, before going back to earth and returning to isolation.

Here, she could hold any one of their hands, and no one would look twice.

She bumps into Donnie as they’re walking and chatting, because Donnie is avoiding bumping into other people he doesn’t know, and their hands brush together a second time. The touch lingers for a brief moment, and April’s fingers nearly curl around Donnie’s larger ones.

She moves away though, pointing out a neat looking shop that seems to have guns for sale. The skin of her hand buzzes for a few minutes after, and she feels Donnie’s eyes following her for that length.

A part of her wishes she could just hold his hand and be done with it. Make a choice.

But she can’t, and it makes her feel awful.

 

 

 

Donnie nearly has the guts to take April’s hand, close the bit of space between them both, but he loses the chance as she hurries away towards another shop.

With her hair down, she’s shining in the streetlights and daylight of the planet they’re on. Copper red strands shining as she moves and laughs.

He’d watched her for a few minutes before approaching, April dancing with Casey on the arcade machine. He’d watched her and wished he were allowed to get a little closer than the friendship they’ve got.

April’s hair is down, and Donnie likes the look as much as he likes it when she wears it up. He likes her with any sort of hair, really. She could give herself a buzz cut, and he’d probably still find her hairstyle adorable.

He wishes he’d taken her hand, even just for a split second.

“Hey, hey, Don, snap out of it.”

Casey’s fingers snap in front of his face and Donnie stops staring after April.

“ _What,_ Jones?” Donnie asks irritably.

“You zoned the fuck out. Come on, Raph and April are getting ahead.”

Donnie maintains irritation for another moment, and then it unwinds itself from his chest. Casey is tugging him along by the shoulder and talking about them buying a gun to weld to the skimmer- it needs better defenses and they both know it- and he’s tugging not as roughly as he could be.

It makes an uncomfortable spot of warmth appear in Donnie’s chest, which he shoves back down, and chooses to start a snit fit with his friend about which model they’re going to buy with their limited funds.

It’s easier to fight with Casey than it is to deal with the hurt April’s distance from him brings, or deal with the mixture of feelings Donnie is trying to stifle about his friend, and failing miserably.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the slowest of burns are happening, yessss.


	4. easier said than done

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> not dead, ever distracted instead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *rises briefly from the void*
> 
> felt the d+m feels tonight, had to work off the stress of my shift somehow. tada.

Donnie really does try to tamp down on those feelings of his- burying them, hiding them, locking them away because there’s more important things to do than imagining impossible things- but time and again he finds himself looking at the monitor screens of the ship’s security system.

In part, it’s just habit. Back home there were very few walls to hide behind, and those walls tended to echo. Donnie had been, for as long as he can remember, been able to pinpoint where his family was in their lair just by the ruckus they each caused. The addition of April and Casey hadn’t disrupted that- they’d slid into place, rough patches here and there, but nonetheless had. On the professor’s ship, Donnie has to look to technology to keep an eye on his family.

Given how terrifyingly unpredictable his and their misadventures tend to be, Donnie might be a little paranoid about not being aware of their locations at any given time. He’s not _desperately_ paranoid about losing them somehow, but… he’s not exactly comfortable either with not knowing at least vaguely where each of them is.

And with how their lives are going lately, with the black hole generator and the Triceratons and being in _space_ where a million and one things could go wrong, Donnie allows himself a bit of slack for needing to check on everyone frequently.

He tries to not focus on April- or Casey either, for that matter- too much. Tempers the near hourly checks by adding his brothers to the list. Leo on the holodeck with Raph, sparring lightly and laughing on screen, the professor down in the core doing routine checks, Casey taking a nap on the couch, April’s door shut as she takes some time to herself, away from, in her own words, _“-the overwhelming amount of testosterone.”_

Donnie chuckles to himself, remembering that first instance after they came onto the ship. April had proclaimed she was taking a break from the all, said that deadpan addressment to them all, and predictably Raph and Casey had started flexing in response. Admittedly, as Leo and Mikey had joined in, Donnie might have gotten caught up in the humor of it all and flexed his arms for April, too.

She’d turned pink, looked at the ceiling, and muttered about them all being dorks. She’d smiled, lips pressed together to keep from laughing out loud, and Donnie had felt his stomach do a swoop at her fond exasperation.

Now, he sighs, and laments once again his inability to get over himself and his feelings. Skimming once again through the channels, swapping feeds through all the screens, he looks for Mikey so he can go back to work. He’s just completed his fortieth digital textbook file on theoretical sciences, aeronautical sciences, and a couple sciences earth hasn’t even created words for yet. His head aches a little, but he’s barely made a dent in everything he feels obligated to learn about intergalactic advancements.

Donnie flips a little faster through the feeds, wondering why he can’t find Mikey. His room’s door is shut, but the door isn’t showing a signature that anyone is inside. So where-

Donnie stops on the feed right outside the flight deck’s entrance, just in time to see Mikey leave it and enter the room behind him. Donnie looks over his shoulder as the doors swoop open, letting his brother inside.

“Yo,” Donnie greets casually, waving to Mikey. His brother waves vaguely back, not really looking at Donnie. As Mikey drifts towards where Donnie sits in one of the piloting docks, Donnie finds himself frowning a little in concern.

Mikey comes to drape himself over the back of the pilot’s dock, right above Donnie’s head. Donnie cranes his neck to look upwards, checking again Mikey’s somewhat melancholy expression.

“Hey, Mike, you okay?” Donnie asks, because while they’re all prone to mood swings some days, Mikey is the one among them who keeps an upbeat attitude more often than not.

“Mmm,” Mikey mumbles, which tells Donnie nothing besides that no, he’s not really okay. Donnie moves over on the dock’s bench, patting the seat next to him.

“Here, sit. We can talk about it if you want. I’m taking a break anyways.”

Mikey doesn’t move for a moment, staring out of the wide viewpoint of the ship, then at the multiple screens Donnie has open, some with their family on them. Finally, he sighs and hops over the back of the seat and slides to sit next to Donnie. They’re the smaller of their siblings, in terms of bulk at least, so there’s plenty of room for them. But still, Mikey sits closer than he needs to, knee bumping against Donnie’s.

Donnie doesn’t move away. Whatever is bothering Mikey, it’s clearly something that’s enough to drive him to seek out physical comfort.

Donnie moves the holo screens aside with a practiced flick of his hand, and reopens his library of downloaded literary resources. Its remains as dauntingly endless as ever, but he perseveres and opens the one next to the last he finished. He’s still taking a break, but now he’s giving Mikey a moment to choose what he wants to talk about.

While Mikey watches the screens flicker and change, revolving feeds on auto now that Donnie isn’t controlling them, he browses the opening statements of the textbook. This one is about the harnessing of intangible matter and transferring it onto the physical plain, covering both spiritual and metaphysical. Donnie is a little impressed by how many planets in the galaxy have combined religion and science together so seamlessly. If only earth could do the same.

“…been thinking.”

“Hm? About what?” Donnie asks.

Mikey sighs a second time, and he reaches out to tap the security feeds. He enlarges the few with their family in the frame, and then sits back again. Donnie waits for explanation patiently.

“You know how people… grow up?” Mikey says.

“Everyone ages, yes. It’s part of living.”

“Yeah, I know that, jerk. But I meant in the like, social way. Finish school, move out, start a life…” Mikey tilts his head as he trails off, staring at the screens with everyone on them. “…I’ve just been wondering, you think we’ll ever do that? Split up?”

Donnie thinks about that, mulling over the concept.

“Well… given our circumstances, it’d be difficult but possible,” he reasons. “We could move out, certainly, even if it’d be a little more risky than staying in a group. Each of us having a place to ourselves is less defensible in the midst of crisis than living in the lair. But I guess we could give normal adulthood a shot if we really wanted to.”

“And April and Casey? Do you think they’ll ever want to quit the ninja-vigilante business and… I dunno, go to university? Get a real job?”

Donne’s chest feels a little tight, considering parting ways with their friends. Out of all of them, April and Casey have the option of leaving this continuous roller coaster behind. The Kraang haven’t bothered them in forever, and both of the humans will be done high school within another year and a half. Probably. The time jump has messed with all of their internal chronology.

Regardless of the current situation, the fact remains that eventually their human (or _mostly_ human, in April’s case) friends might want normal lives again someday. And Donnie and his family are anything but that.

“I don’t know if they will,” Donnie answers honestly. Selfishly, he wishes he could say _no, they wouldn’t leave us (leave me)._ “What brought this up?” he asks instead of dwelling on that thought.

Mikey shrugs. “It’s just… been a lot lately, right? Earth and the Triceratons, but then like, all these _planets,_ bro. There’s so much out here, and I guess… it’s kinda taste of what it’d be like to be normal teenagers. That’s how it’s feeling to me, at least.” Mikey sighs. “It just got me thinking about the rest of that stuff.”

Mikey moves over, dropping his head on Donnie’s shoulder without asking first. Donnie doesn’t dislodge his brother, instead leaning into the closeness.

“You know, I swear I always wanted to get my own place as a kid…” Mikey says, somewhat wistfully, “but now I’m not so sure I’d wanna ditch you assholes like that.”

Donnie hears a rare note of sadness in those words, matching the somewhat worried look Mikey has worn through the conversation. Donnie thinks about the ‘normal’ things that entail being an ordinary earth being, and considers the thought of moving out, of finding a path that wasn’t quite so intertwined with all his family members.

He finds it hard to imagine. Because of who and what they are, there’s only ever been his brothers for company. Their father too, yes, but a parent isn’t the same as a sibling. No matter how often they fought, there’s always been the four of them through thick and thin, and Donnie isn’t embarrassed to say his brothers have always been his best friends.

The thought of not sharing the lair with them, of not tripping over each other as they go about their nights, of not having at least one person around to spend time with whenever he wants company… he’s not sure how he feels about that potential future.

It feels lonely to him, the idea of having to place distance not just between him and their human friends, but with his brothers as well.

“I’m not sure I’d want to ditch you, either,” Donnie admits to his brother.

“…think Leo or Raph want to?”

Donnie thinks of their occasionally jerk-ish siblings, who tend to make up for that in one way or another, and sighs.

“I don’t know if they’d want to or not,” Donnie says, a slight smile tugging at his lips, “but I don’t think they’d get too far. They break too many appliances for that.”

Mikey chuckles quietly. “Yeah… remember that one time? I still don’t know how Leo did that to the waffle iron.”

“Or Raph and the washing machine.”

“Oh my god, even _I_ know its laundry soap only.”

Donnie remembers wanly how long it took to clean up that mess, and the embarrassed scowl Raph wore through it all. “Can’t fault him for giving it a shot; we were all out, and I think his sheets were gaining sentience.”

Mikey scoffs. “That _bubble monster_ he made had sentience, I swear. I found suds all the way in the _dojo.”_

They both laugh, because however annoyed their father had been at the foamy intrusion (and ruination of the couches and hallways and the entire laundry room…) it had been a pretty hilarious screw up in hindsight.

Donnie wraps an arm around Mikey’s shoulders, hugging him reassuringly. “There you go, all the more reason they have to stick around. Can’t cook, can’t do laundry. They’re no good for anything.”

“No one’ll ever want them as a wife,” Mikey laughs. Then, in singsong voice, _“Look at me,  
I will never pass for a perfect bride…”_

“I think Leo broke that DVD he watched it so many times,” Donnie remarks.

“May Mulan rest in badass pieces, ha ha.”

Donnie smiles to himself, glad this conversation has helped. His brother’s spirits sufficiently lightened, Donnie gives Mikey one last squeeze and lets go. Mikey looks a little more relaxed now, no longer so down looking.

“Feel better?” Donnie asks.

“Much, thanks,” Mikey says. He gives a small smile. “I’ll try to not think about dumb stuff like that anymore.”

“Hey, we all get low,” Donnie says, nudging Mikey’s side with his elbow. “But honestly, save the future planning for _after_ we get out of this one alive. We still have a few months before we even catch up with the timeline.”

“I know, I know,” Mikey says, rolling his eyes. “You had like, a whole three hour fit about time travel theoretical whatevers when we started this.”

“Oh no, that was only the _verbal_ part of the fit,” Donnie deadpans. “The internal fit lasted at least three _days.”_

“Wow,” Mikey says. He pats Donnie’s shoulder. “Yeah, you totally need to take a chill pill.”

“Time. Travel. In a _space ship._ I was permitted to freak out at least that long.”

Mikey laughs, and climbs out of the pilot’s dock. He crouches before he goes, giving Donnie another smile. “Hey, for real, Dee,” Mikey says. “Thanks for the pick me up.”

“Any time,” Donnie says sincerely. He raises a fist. “B-team?”

“B-team,” Mikey grins, and bumps fists with Donnie. Then he’s off, exiting the control room and wandering back into the depths of the ship. In his brother’s absence, Donnie slouches back into his seat and feels some of his humor slip away.

Now if he could take everything he’s told Mikey to heart himself, he’d feel better about the subject they got into. But because he’s himself, and he’s a chronic over thinker, Donnie lingers mentally on the concept of everyone parting ways.

Even if they’d all still be in the same city, barely a phone call or jog away, they’d still all be… separate. And Donnie has barely been separate from April since he met her, Casey, too, and his brothers… they’ve never been apart at all.

The idea of being even somewhat isolated from them makes him very disquieted feeling. Cold, a little scared…

He’s already quite alone in the universe- one of only four, unable to join society, trapped in the shadows of a world that wouldn’t accept him or his brothers- and he doesn’t like the idea of being any more isolated than he is.

Donnie brushes off the irrelevant thoughts- thanks, Mikey- and quiets his fears by looking over the security feeds again.

Everyone is where he left them, and Mikey is walking through the halls whistling to himself. They’re all here, and they’re all safe and happy.

Donnie leaves the feeds open as he goes back to studying, and only feels a little guiltily needy for it.

 

 

 

Much as Mikey would like to take all that stuff Donnie said to him as a guaranteed, he can’t shake the idea of his family separating.

He’s been trying to tear his thoughts from definitely inappropriate things, but it keeps circling back to where it began. And to add to that misery, Mikey keeps thinking about what J’mor said. About how lonely his family would get, being apart.

Even before his thoughts got weird, Mikey probably would have eventually agreed with that statement. His family is all he’s got, really. Having to live on his own sounds… really awful.

The idea of being alone is foreign to him; there’s always been the four of them, and now there’s the six of them. Breaking off into singles just doesn’t fit right, and more than unsettles Mikey. He doesn’t know what he’d do without his brothers around or April and Casey, either.

Mikey stops forcing himself to whistle, and sighs. The longer this goes on, the more the thoughts take root, and the harder it is to argue against it all. It sucks _so much_ that every time he tries to dispute it, the stuff J’mor told him just makes more sense, and Mikey is probably going to have to find something hard to knock himself against to shake it all loose.

As he’s passing the holodeck, he sees through the open door his oldest siblings kicking each other around the room and trading banter. A good enough opportunity as any to distract himself.

“Room for one more?” Mikey asks as he enters, and given he has to immediately dive in a somersault to avoid a collection of kunai thrown his way, that would be a resounding _yes._

“Two on one?” Raph suggests, jerking a thumb towards Leo as Mikey extends his tonfa.

“Aw, come on, that’s cheating,” Leo protests. Then he smirks. “That’d be too easy for me.”

“We’re gonna make you eat those words, fearless.”

“Oh yeah? _Bring it.”_

Mikey laughs, and sprints across the room to take a swing at Leo the same time as Raph does. From there, for as long as it takes to disarm Leo and sit on him until he calls uncle, Mikey doesn’t think about anything besides how good it feels to be a part of his family.

Even if part of him seems to be trying to ruin that feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *vanishes back into the void*


	5. mope night? no, movie night.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> as follows:  
> -hurt/comfort team style.  
> -moping.  
> -pillow fights.  
> -pining.  
> -movies.  
> -worse pining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> back? again??? not sleeping two nights in a row will do that now won't it.

Occasionally, without actual plan or arrangement, they gather together out of some unspoken desire to not be alone.

April and Casey, unlike the brothers, are somewhat unused to the isolation they’re in. April might not be the most social of butterflies, but she attended school usually, took walks in the daylight. Lived normally among normal human beings.

Sometimes, she wonders if she’s the only empath in their group, because often the gatherings feel like a comfort to her and Casey. To ease the loneliness of abruptly being cut off from the whole of their society, and thrust into near total solitude. April sympathizes with the brothers even more now, experiencing even a fraction of their life long separation from the world.

It’s strange, sometimes intense feeling. The bubble of two she and Casey have ended up. The only other human for the other to spend time with. But they have the brothers, who in their own ways, more than make up for the loneliness.

Like, without prompt, one by one filtering into whatever room she or Casey have picked to spend that hour in. The ship is big, but it’s not _that_ big. It feels like they barely have elbow room sometimes, so no matter where she or he has ended up, the brothers will eventually find them.

And, if it’s not her room they’ve gone to, they always ensure she joins them.

Tonight, April is pulled from her rare time of true solitude by a little message, sent to her via the ship’s internet.

She reads its short, cheery little invitation, and smiles to herself. She’d been taking time to collect herself, trying to fool her brain into feeling like it was on earth still and this was just her room with the lights out. It hasn’t been working at all, and April for the umpteenth time wonders how the boys could tell she’s feeling low.

She feels warmed in her chest for it, though. Feels cared for. It’s a sorely needed feeling, given the ache she’s been nursing about missing her home, her father, and their normal lives.

Well. A self-pitying mood is no reason to sit in her room and pass up a movie and dinner, never mind they have one nearly every sleep cycle.

April’s knowledge of psychiatry, sponged off years of living with her father and being surrounded by files and papers and books on the subject, knows the frequent movie nights to be a coping mechanism. To keep them feeling… at least a little safer, having a space and time where it’s just the six of them, and they can pretend things are normal. That they’re okay, that they’ll _be okay._

So long as the Triceratons are out there, hunting for the generator, nothing will be okay. But they’re not thinking about that tonight.

As April enters the communal area, pausing in the doorway and look around, she’s greeted with the sight of Mikey catching a pillow to the face, subsequently putting an end to his purposefully off-key rendition of a Mulan song. The culprit of his assault is Leo, who is righteously defending the movie. The peanut gallery of Raph, Casey, and Donnie do nothing to aid either side of the mock argument; instead choosing to laugh at both brothers.

“Mulan doesn’t deserve this disrespect and you know it!” Leo says imperiously, playing up the act of indignation.

“If she can handle spending weeks in close quarters with a couple hundred men like Raph and Casey,” Donnie says, grinning like a shit. “I think she can handle Mikey singing her emotional vent song about oppressive social expectations in the wrong key.”

Donnie is attacked with pillows by all three of the people he’s just offended, and Mikey takes a turn at laughing. Leo gets him a second time in the face, using the pillow Donnie chucks back at their sibling, and the whole disaster spirals.

April leans on the wall, crossing her arms and smiling to herself. For a moment, she just watches the clamor and chaos of the people she’s to join, and wonders if there’s a way to preserve this scene forever. Something simple and fun and light, amidst all the hardship they’ve gone through and still are going through.

Something to hold to her chest and never let go, even if it eventually is only something of the past. But that’s not something she’s willing to consider the future of, or the likelihood. Not yet.

For now, she lets the humorous situation lift the heavy things that weigh on her, and smiles at Donnie when he notices her presence and beckons her over. Funny how so many things have changed the past years, but his welcoming smile never has.

And the ones that the rest of the brothers, and Casey, all turn on her as she approaches… well, they’re not that much different in how they make her feel.

Which is another thing she’s not going to think about tonight.

“Okay, so, we got dinner-” Mikey announces once the chaos has calmed, gesturing at the array of food on the table. A truly terrible mishmash of comfort foods, still hot to the touch. He gestures at the piles of blankets and pillows they’ve all hauled in. “-we got comfy shit to chill with-” And finally, he gestures at the enormous screen of the television. “-and we got infinite movies! Now what are we watching. Suggestions?”

“Cult classic,” Raph votes, to which Leo nods along with.

“Action,” Casey says, shooting finger guns.

“Disney?” Donnie offers, giving Leo a smirk. His brother makes a backwards V at him; the only finger swear they can really do.

“I could do a Disney movie,” April seconds, because she could use a story that has a happy ending.

“How about a cult classic Disney movie that’s got a lot of action?” Mikey suggests, spinning the remote in his hand. “Mmmmm… let’s try… Atlantis: the Lost Empire?”

“That’s not really a cult classic, too new,” Donnie corrects. Mikey shrugs.

“Enough people say it is on the internet, and who am I to argue with a tumblr post?” He turns on the screen without looking, and the room fills with multicolor lights. “So, who votes yay or nay?”

“You _are_ a tumblr post,” Casey says, but adds, “I say yay. Formative experience right there; Atlantians are hot.”

Raph, sitting next to him, shoves Casey’s shoulder. “You think any woman that could kill you is hot.”

“You are not wrong there.”

“This is why so many of them try to kill you; you disgust them,” Donnie says from the other side of the couch. Casey sits up to fire back something, but Raph pushes him back down with one hand. They trade nasty looks over Raph’s head, but April can feel the undercurrent of humor in that. And, maybe something else-?

“ _Focus,”_ Mikey snaps, waving the remote. “Bicker later, pick now!”

April says yes, and the following responses from everyone else are the same.

Sometime later, when the food dishes are all empty and they’ve moved onto watching the lesser known sequel to Atlantis, April blearily wakes up towards the end of the second movie and realizes they all fell asleep. She’s swaddled in one of the blankets passed around earlier, tucked into the space between Mikey and Leo on her left, and Donnie on her right.

She sits up slowly, glancing around herself. The movie is playing the final chapter of its story, set in the frigid reaches of the earth as Milo and the others chase after a long lost spear, but April feels anything but cold sitting where she is.

Looking at the brothers and Casey, quiet and resting, brings the odd tightness to her chest she sometimes gets. Here and now, they’re all together, and for however much longer the movie will play, reflecting blue light off their sleeping faces, it feels like nothing could ever ruin this. The Triceratons, the generator, the Kraang, or her.

Donnie shifts in his sleep, curling a bit closer towards her, unconsciously trying to find where she went. Or maybe just drifting towards the warm spot she left, given how the brothers all complain on and off about the coldness of space.

She looks at him, mask crooked and breath whistling softly through his gap tooth, and asks herself why she couldn’t have just been happy with him. Why she couldn’t have accepted the awkward, honest advances he made time and again, instead of shying away.

Back then, it’d been just because she couldn’t imagine saying yes. Not just because he wasn’t… human, but also because of how busy her life was. How dangerous and scary it had all become.

Later, though… she never said yes or no for other reasons. Worse reasons.

Sometimes April resents her apparently fickle and greedy heart, given she can’t help herself no matter what she does.

“Hey,” says a soft voice, sleepy but awake, and April glances towards the opposite of the long couch.

Shoved into the very end, legs splayed across Raph’s lap under their shared blanket, Casey gives a small wave. “You should be sleepin’, Red,” he chides quietly.

“You should be, too,” she chides right back. Casey rolls his eyes.

“Had a nap, remember?”

“All the more reason to get your sleep pattern back on track.”

“Pssh, like any of us have that anymore. I’m kinda surprised Don’s held still this long, actually. Usually he’s up and at it.”

April does know that’s true, given Donnie has always been awake no matter what time she goes looking for him. And she knows that more than half those times, she herself is awake at an indecent earth hour. That all of them tend to be.

The brothers at least have the excuse of being nocturnal their whole lives. April and Casey are just bad at being healthy with their necessary biological requirements. Such as actually sleeping.

“Don’t wake him up,” April whispers, low enough she hopes the ninjas in the room won’t stir. “he needs this more than any of us, I think.”

“I won’t,” Casey promises, and rather than it sounding like the usual (mostly) playful rivalry he and Donnie have going, he sounds sincere. April smiles; grateful that Casey is for once being considerate towards their friend, and that they’ve moved passed being total dicks to one another.

For a bit, they just watch the movie finish up; comfortable in the relative silence and their positions. The restoration of Atlantis and its following credits plays out, and the selection screen appears again.

“Wanna watch another?” Casey asks, pointing at the remote in Mikey’s lap. The smallest turtle is tucked mostly into Leo’s side, their heads on one another’s and bodies hidden by the large blanket covering them.

April picks up the remote, pointing it at the screen. “Sure. What’re you feeling? No action. I’m feeling… a little too tired of that lately.”

“…okay, same,” Casey admits, sighing. “I said we should watch one earlier mostly ‘cause that’s what I always watch.”

April gives him a sympathetic look. She gets that, trying to follow normal routines even in space. Anything to make things easier on them all.

“We could watch Planet Earth?” April suggests. “I used to at night whenever I got sick and slept all day.”

“Same here,” Casey says, looking a little delighted they had the same childhood experience. “Which one did you like best? I always kinda loved the rainforest stuff.”

“Great plains journeys,” April says, already typing in the selection. “I liked how big and empty but _not_ everything was out there.”

Casey nods at that. “So… which one we watchin’?”

“Compromise,” April says, and starts the episode. “Ocean stuff. Busy and colorful, or empty and big.”

“Nice,” Casey agrees, and they settle in to let the show fill the silent room.

About halfway into it, the calm voice narration having lulled April back into a comfortable state, Casey says in a mumble, “…can’t wait to go home again.”

April turns her head towards him, barely able to see Casey around the three turtles between them. She sits up slightly to look at him better, and for once, his confident persona is absent. Without it, he looks like any normal teenage boy missing his home.

April left just her father on earth, who she unfortunately has learned how to live without for long lengths of time. Casey left his father _and_ sister, and from the way he talks about them… he loves them very much. And they love him.

It’s got to be hard, being separated from his family like this. Hard as it is for the brothers, who until recent years, never went a day without their father, and hard as it is for April, who _just_ got her family back again it feels like.

It’s been hard for all of them, it seems, however well they try to compensate and cover it up.

“We will,” she promises him softly, drawing his eyes to her. For a moment, they share eye contact, and the tightness to April’s chest returns.

He smiles, open and thankful, and April wants to kiss that expression. Feel its sincerity and trust on her lips.

“I know,” he whispers, and that kind of faith is something she’s envied of him for a long time.

Finally, April has to break their eye contact, in case she does something stupid. She tucks herself back in place between Donnie and Mikey, and refocuses on the show playing. Casey remains quiet, but it’s a sort of quiet that feels alright. A comfortable, familiar quiet. One April feels safe in, however dangerous letting herself get lax might be.

She drifts, curled in a soft blanket between people she cares very much about, and feels like there’s hardly any space between her and Casey left anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i always draw from my own tastes in media, i'm sorry.


	6. in our defense, he had it coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is steadily becoming my source of stress relief after work. guess that means weekend updates for the most part?

As nice and roomy as the ship is, it’s good to get out at refuelling stations and stretch their legs. It is for Mikey at least, getting to see something other than the same walls and same people all the time. A good distraction from himself!

Himself being his thoughts. Hngh.

It’s a fairly busy station, the one they docked at. Large enough to support the beings that make a living there, and all the traffic of pilots and passengers needing a rest. Mikey chooses to think of it something like a collection of stripmall stores and crappy motels, with some… less than reputable places mixed in between.

Somewhere between exiting the ship while their water and whatever the stuff that made their food was, and the third brothel type place they passed, Mikey and his brothers end up separated from Casey and April.

Not that much reason to get concerned. They can all take care of themselves, especially when they’ve got a second pair of hands to deal with any threat presented. It’s still enough of a bother to form a tick in Mikey’s head, and presumably in his brothers’ as well, given how they all get twitchier the longer they’re separated from their friends.

 _They’ll be fine,_ says the voice of reason in Mikey’s head.

 _What if they’re not?_ echoes the slightly less rational voice.

On earth they went most of the day without seeing or hearing from their friends. But then the Triceratons happened, and they lost earth, and Mikey has just… gotten used to being able to basically reach out and one or both of them being right there.

It’s definitely making him uncomfortable, being without even a visual of their friends. And in a bustling place like this, where any sort of being might be hanging around? Doubly unsettling.

He holds his tongue though, since everyone else is. It’s fine, their friends are fine. Just because April and Casey are pretty much their best and only friends doesn’t mean they should smother them. Not everyone is used to being without elbow room like the four of them are.

Though by shop seven, Mikey notices Donnie getting especially agitated. He supposes that makes sense. Donnie probably still has most of his old crush intact, however much his and Casey’s relationship has settled into friendship now. Their two human friends spending time together unsupervised would drive him nuts, at least a little.

Maybe this would be a good time for Mikey to speak up. Very casually pin all the blame on Donnie’s lingering crush and get them to go find their friends. Yeah, perfect.

Leo beats him too it though, saying, “Maybe we should meet up with the others soon,” as he’s poking uninterestedly at a collection of holodiscs for sale. All of them proclaim to either be steamy novellas or action packed dramas.

 “Yeah, good idea. They could’ve gotten lost,” Raph adds, stepping back from the other half of the sale table. His side had the same trashy holodisc stories Leo’s did. Mikey, Leo, and Donnie choose to not comment on Raph’s significantly more sincere interest in the items.

“Casey will probably get them ejected out of an airlock if we leave them alone much longer,” Donnie says, though it’s not with any heat. If anything, like Mikey feels, he’s concerned. Probably mostly for April and maybe a smidgen for Casey, knowing Donnie.

“We should get lunch anyway,” Mikey comments offhand, and they wander away from the shop at a totally casual pace.

They move through the throngs of other ship owners and crews. Mikey, as unusual as it’s been, suddenly feels a little claustrophobic being around so many people. None of them look remotely human, which makes it easier, but he’s just never been around _people_. Half the time he can count on his hands how many persons he’s with, and he’s short a few fingers compared to most.

Mikey presses a little closer to his brothers, who’ve begun to similarly drift into a defensive formation. Closing out most possible threats, keeping each other’s within a bare few inches of space. It eases his brief stress of being around so many moving bodies, though does nothing for the one about their friends.

If anything, after the past weeks, and years if he’s honest, it feels almost wrong to not have an additional two to their numbers like this. Odd, since for the longest time, it was just the four of them.

Mikey doesn’t focus on the discomfort too closely, and just scans the crowds for their friends. He hears Leo talking on his comm with them, and catches the fact that their friends are in what constitutes as a food court. But with all the fastfood places selling alcoholic substances as well as junkfood.

This isn’t exactly the highest quality refuel station out there. They just have to keep a low profile since the Triceratons could be anywhere, as well as the professor’s older enemies he’s so cryptic about.

 _“Live long enough, and even an ally can become an enemy!”_ he’d cheerily told them when asked _why_ they kept going to such seedy places for information and fuel. It’d really only highlighted how lonely the professor was, but hopefully isn’t still. Mikey likes the guy. He hasn’t had many friendships with adults before, but the professor is probably a fave anyway. He hopes the robot-alien is less lonely with them cluttering up his ship.

They reach the food court, which is just as busy as everywhere else. Mikey’s stomach rumbles quietly, catching the wafts of delicious smells in the air. He never passes up food. The experience of savoring and saving every scrap while living in the sewers taught him to never waste nourishment, and to make _anything_ into food if you could. And as much as his brothers sometimes complain about how creative Mikey gets with that philosophy, he knows they agree with it, and eat what he puts on their plates.

Mikey likes cooking for his family. When they go home, he can’t wait to use an actual stove again. Insta-thought food is nice, but not quite the same as making a home cooked meal for the people he loves.

The image of J’mor’s family dinner pops into his head, and replaces itself then with Mikey’s own. He banishes the thought quickly as it comes. The feeling of it though, of warmth and happiness and _love_ , lingers.

Mikey’s appetite is briefly soured, by his own imagination no less, but returns when a particularly good smelling tray of meats go past them. It doesn’t matter what or who that used to be, he _wants_ some.

“There they are!” Donnie says before Mikey can ask for a quick pit stop. He lets the meat go, sulking silently as he follows along.

Of course, Donnie abruptly stops short, and so does everyone else, and Mikey nearly bonks his flat nose on his tallest brother’s shell.

“ _Dude,”_ Mikey complains. No one is listening, though.

“Who’s that?” Raph asks, and Mikey pushes through his siblings to see why everyone is gawking. Then he also stops, finally catching sight of their missing friends.

April and Casey are standing by what looks like a fancy drink place, talking vibrantly with some alien none of them have ever seen before. One that’s tall and is quite handsome; nearly human looking, excluding long ears and pitch eyes.

“I don’t know,” Leo says, answering Raph’s question. “but… I guess he’s probably a friend they’ve made? April did sound distracted when I called her.”

The alien gets a little closer to April and Casey, grinning with perfect white teeth, and both of their friends crack up laughing at something he’s said.

Mikey doesn’t know why he dislikes the guy, for doing that. Usually he’s all for new friends, but… the way he’s looking at them…

“I don’t like him,” he hears himself say aloud. Raph grunts. Donnie’s lips are in a thin line, and Leo is shaking his head.

“Come on, we’ll get some food and interrupt in a minute,” Leo says, and starts moving towards the nearest counter. Across the sea of tables and chairs, Mikey is stuck a moment longer on the random alien talking up their friends so casually and happily.

Donnie is, too; staring over everyone else’s head and nearly frowning. They’re both stuck until Raph gives them both a light shove to get moving, breaking off the weird one-sided staring contest they’ve started.

The dully orange meat they get their hands on doesn’t taste as good as Mikey wants it to. The kabob is perfectly spiced, and sized in a way that lets him pull each one off with just his teeth and into his mouth. It _should_ be delicious, but his eyes keep getting drawn back to the alien and their friends as they wait for Leo and Raph’s orders to get done. Every time that happens, the sauce gets less tasty.

This is weird. Mikey is aware he’s being weird. He’s not even the one with a crush on April, and he’s feeling a little more annoyed every time the alien makes her laugh. Same for Casey. This is stupid, and dumb, and-

Probably jealousy.

 _What the hell, brain,_ Mikey says to himself, chewing somewhat harder than he needs to, as the alien guy sidles even _closer_ to his friends.

“You’re going to bite through your kabob, Donnie,” Leo says in a dry tone. Mikey glances to his side, and sees Donnie is indeed near biting through his stick.

“Bro, chill,” Mikey says, though he himself feels the opposite of it.

“Hngh,” Donnie mutters, apparently giving Raph’s type of responses a try. He stops gnawing on the stick of his kabob and actually eats a chunk of meat. Mikey looks back to the alien getting friendly with their friends, while Donnie chews angrily.

“You know, I think I agree with Mikey,” Raph says, rejoining them with his and Leo’s orders. “I don’t like him.”

“He’s just talking to them,” Leo says. He takes his kabob from Raph, turning it between his fingers as he too looks at the alien with April and Casey.

“Still don’t like him,” Mikey mutters, and finishes his kabob in one annoyed chomp. He tosses his stick vaguely towards the trash, gets it in, and doesn’t feel the usual victory he would.

“He’s _just talking to them,”_ Leo repeats, firmer. He nibbles delicately on his kabob before continuing. “It’s normal for people to talk to other people. We shouldn’t get worked up over it.”

 _We,_ Mikey notes. His brother said _we._ And given that Mikey, Donnie, _and_ Raph are all in staring daggers at the guy, Leo has just officially made it a four for four situation. None of them like the annoyingly handsome, mostly humanoid looking alien.

Said annoyingly handsome alien has moved to stand almost between their friends, entertaining both of them at the same time. They see the alien order April and Casey drinks, and a buzzing emotion starts up in Mikey’s head.

“We’re going to go interrupt now, right?” Donnie asks, looking very intent on that plan. His stick has bite marks all over it, from his gnawing.

“We’re going to politely go join the conversation,” Leo corrects, using his mature leader voice. “Our friends can have friends besides us, and it’d be rude of us to be assholes right off the bat for no reason. Besides. We’ve all been stuck together for weeks. They probably… want a break.”

 _A break from all of **them** , _is what Leo means, and all of them hear it unspoken.

Mikey dislikes how that curdles his stomach. He _knows_ they’re overwhelming sometimes- he’s overwhelmed by himself some nights, by his chaotic and sometimes really annoying family- but it’s still… not a good feeling, the idea that their friends would want to get away from them for a while.

Which is weird, and kind of pushing boundaries, and just plain abnormal. Probably because he’s got stunted social skills to begin with, and _really stupid thoughts_ up in his brain the last while.

Mikey sighs, and tries to let go of the feelings twisting in his chest. Its fine, its fine, he can be normal about this. No need to get territorial about the few friends he’s got. It’s literally just a conversation.

And then the alien guy touches Casey’s upper thigh, and a very clearly uncomfortable expression flickers across Casey’s face. The same kind of discomfort April’s tense shoulders have, as the alien’s other hand comes to rest on the small of her back.

Mikey hears Donnie’s kabob stick snap.

“ _Now?”_ his brother grits out.

“Now,” Leo says, damaged vocal cords getting a little rough in his anger, “we go have a _chat_.”

Donnie spits out his splintered stick. Mikey and Raph are already moving as Leo takes point. The bustling crowd seems to part around them as they walk, and Mikey is only half aware it might be because they’re just about in battle mode.

Donnie is there first, because of his god damn long legs, and basically slaps the guy’s hand off Casey’s thigh. Leo gets on April’s side right after, pulling her swiftly out of range and getting her between him and Raph. Mikey waits for his intervention to be needed, hovering on the edge of the whole thing and prepared to aid either side.

“ _Hi,”_ Donnie says, putting an arm around Casey’s shoulders and pulling him away from the alien. His smile is tight and sharp as he talks. “I see you found our friends! Thank you for that, you can go now.”

“Really grateful, honest,” Leo adds, voice still grating slightly, creating an almost jagged edge to his words. His speech is polite but his tone is ice cold, like his narrowed eyes. “But I’m sure you have places to be right now. Very, very important places.”

The alien balks for a moment longer, then arranges his handsome features into an angry sneer. “Ex _cuse_ you, I was having a _chat_ with these two fine individuals-”

“Which is _over,_ ” Raph says, nearly hissing. Literally speaking, nearly hissing. Mikey hears the telltale rasp there, and kind of wants to start hissing as well. They don’t do it much around anyone but each other, but now? Now seems the time to bring out one of their more threatening quirks.

The alien guy blusters. “ _Rude,_ don’t you think, just coming into someone’s perfectly civilized conversation and-”

“Leave now, or we make you,” Leo says, tight and controlled and barely keeping his voice normal now. April at his side shifts, eyes glancing between all of them and hand inching towards her laser rifle. Casey still seems to be in shock, caught off guard by the sudden intervention and kind of leaning into Donnie for support.

The asshole doesn’t have the decency to just give up already. He draws himself up instead, flicking his long blonde hair over his shoulder as he stares down in disgust at Mikey’s siblings. His stupid pitch black eyes hold nothing but contempt.

“You’re wasting your time on them,” he says haughtily, and it takes Mikey a second to figure out he’s addressing Casey and April, not him and his brothers. “I don’t know what backwater quadrant you found them in, but they’re not even the same species as you. Cold-bloods are _never_ worth the trouble. They’re barely worth the glance. And besides, you’re both only a tad homely looking, you could do so much-”

Donnie hisses loudly, the first to reach his breaking point. Raph’s joins in a second after, and Mikey lets his thick white eyelids slide shut the same time as his brothers’ do. He freely lets the rasping noise come out of his mouth, pretty much _done_ with this fucker.

It’s one thing to insult them on how they look. They’re used to it. They’re freaks of nature, big whoop, thanks for noticing. But insulting their _friends?_

Wow, no.

For the record- as Leo’s own low hiss joins in- this is the point that shit gets real. If even Leo’s off the bandwagon of trying to act normal, swapping   _people_ threats for _animal_ ones, then it’s time to start rethinking life choices.

The guy backs up, and like Mikey planned it, right into him. Mikey smiles, wide and toothy at the alien, and relishes in the slightly horrified expression at their display.

“ _Leave,_ asshole,” he says, chest all but rattling with the stream of angry hissing coming from him. Their hands are all on their weapons now, and Mikey is about _this close_ to drawing his tonfa.

Asshole guy wisely backs off and finally leaves. Mikey can’t help but shoot and final toothy grin at the guy as he walks quickly away- channeling the look that best makes street level criminals back home wet their tighty-whities.

When he looks back, allowing the defensive hiss in his throat to die down, he sees the sight of Casey and April mixed in with his brothers, instead of sneakily trapped by some rude dickhead.

Mikey sighs in relief as his friends are added back into the group, where they belong. The buzzing emotion in his head finally dissipates.

There. That’s better.

The whole scene makes a warm and content feeling in his chest, and he kind of wants to either box it up and keep it forever, or shove it down where no one will ever find it. Either or. Maybe both.

Blue eyes uncovered once again, Leo darts looks around them all. Mikey is starting to feel the stares too, and his cheeks burn a little. Acting like a normal person is hard sometimes, especially when they all at once kinda let go of that policy.

It was in the name of a very important cause, but it still sucks that people are looking at them warily. The stares itch on his scales, and for the first time since coming out into space where _everyone_ is weird, Mikey feels like an odd man out. Him and his brothers, once again failing to keep within society norms.

God damn instincts and weird thoughts, messing up everything. At least their friends are okay. He’ll focus on that until he can rebound from the feeling of being a freak.

Mikey follows without complaint as Leo steers them all out of the food court, grateful to leave the collection of witnesses behind.

“…okay, so that happened,” Casey says, the first to break the quiet as they walk away. Mikey hunches his shoulders a little, sees Raph doing the same, and both Leo and Donnie wincing.

“Sorry,” Donnie says, not even seeming to want to start a tiff with Casey at the moment. “we, um. We just wanted to get you guys out of there quickly as possible.” He’s worrying his hands together, glancing between their friends. Out of all of them, it’s Donnie who tends to be the most hyperaware of their mutantness. This is probably doubly awful for him.

“No, no, thank you for that,” April says, and the fact that she sounds sincere makes them all relax a little. She gives them a tired, kind of pissed off smile, cheeks reddened likely from anger. “I _hate_ guys like that. If you hadn’t shown up, I think I was going to break his wrist.”

“I for one have never experience that before, and now regret every single time I hit on a girl I didn’t know,” Casey says, cheeks also a bit rosy. He and April are kind of similar that way, how they both have tempers.

Casey turns towards April, clapping his hands together and saying, “April, I am so god damn sorry if I ever made you uncomfortable. That was the _shittiest_ thing ever, I swear. I understand why feminist are pissed off all the time, now.”

“You’re forgiven, Casey,” April says dryly. He mock bows to her and some of the tension leaves their group. Joking is normal, bantering is normal. It covers up the less than normal stuff from earlier.

“That was quite the show you put on,” April then comments, and all four of them cringe in embarrassment. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard… _all_ of you do that.”

“We got angry, so what?” is Raph’s gruff defense. Mikey knows he’s just as uncomfortable with calling attention to the whole thing as the rest of them. His brother huffs. “He had it fucking coming.”

“I can take care of myself,” April reminds them, like she has to. Three years of training in a dojo and on the job, and she’s as good as any of them.

“We know,” Leo says. His voice is a little gravelly now, since he strained it. Mikey will make sure to give him honey and tea when they get back. Leo glances towards April, and gives a somewhat awkward smile. “You just… don’t always _have_ to take care of yourself.”

The light is a little weird in the refuelling station, and as they pass under a flickering light, Mikey almost thinks April’s cheeks get darker at Leo’s words.

As they make their way back towards the ship’s docking point and the professor inside it, Mikey and his family drift back into the most tactically sound way of moving through the crowd. All their weak points covered, all their team members right at their sides.

It feels better with Casey and April in the mix, compared to when it was just the four of them.

 

 

 

Once alone, April covers her burning cheeks and makes a quiet, partially distressed sound.

Her four friends surrounding her and Casey like that, all defensive and prickly with anger, and then _hissing_ with their eyes whited out and lips drawn back in half snarls--

Yeah, no.

She really should not find that hot.

April covers her whole face, and groans in embarrassment as she sinks to the floor in her room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ha, inspired by me and a bud's convo about less than human traits and protective feelings they boys have. god damn i missed writing xeno behaviors.


	7. the weather outside is frightful... and inside isn't fairing much better.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> the title is more dramatic than this chapter really is. hello introspection.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> stress relief thy name is this.

Winters in New York sucked, even when they had the benefit of heated tunnels and a subterranean lifestyle. It made the pipes fussy, and food runs not just a chore but _dangerous_ with the sleet and ice, and it always nipped at their wrapped toes because no shoes could fit their feet.

Donnie has always hated the cold, if only because of his reptilian biology. He’s finding he doesn’t like the space version much better. Or slow, steady oxygen deprivation.

As the world fades on the edges, his entire body numb with what feels like frostbite, Donnie stares up at the snow filled sky. The explosion of Casey’s photon pucks ringing in his ears still, and the freezing rocky ground digging into his exposed scales.

And he feels genuinely pissed that _this_ is what’s going to do them all in, after every stupid tragedy they’ve had to go through.

What probably sucks the most is that he never… managed to…

 

 

 

Donnie wakes up on the floor of the ship’s bridge.

First thing he’s aware of is that everything hurts. His skin, his lungs, his _head…_ but he can feel pain again, so that’s a pro and con in one.

Second thing he’s aware of is that he’s not dead. Cool. He likes not being dead. He’s breathing again, breathing actual air and not recycled carbon dioxide. This is an improvement on things.

Now what about the rest of his family.

Donnie woozily raises himself off the floor, pins and needles all over his limbs. By-product of freezing until he could feel literally nothing, and then suffering suffocation. Ow, ow.

Does he have all his fingers and toes? It feels like he does. Nothing has broken off or caused him excruciating pain. Things are not as bad as they could be, then.

But still, Donnie holds his head, whining to himself as everything swirls. This is probably going on his list of least favorite near death experiences. Right up there with taking electrocution directly to his skull, thanks, Stockman.

“Guys?” he manages to croak. “Hhh. Ow, fuck. Okay, sound off. Who’s still got all their fingers?”

Asking _who’s not dead_ is, as always, a little hard to say. Easier to count how many people have all their limbs intact, and lack internal bleeding.

“I got this one,” says a groggy voice, and Donnie glances towards his left.

On the floor, about ten feet from him, Casey is flat on his back still. And has his middle finger raised to the universe as a whole.

“I see you’re feeling well enough,” Donnie remarks, relief sweeping through him. Casey is _alive,_ and clearly okay enough to be a shit.

“Fucking… _space Antarctic._ Can’t we crash-land on space Hawaii next time?”

“ _Please,”_ April says, sitting up slowly, another five feet away to the opposite of Casey. Donnie’s knees feel a little weak for a moment, just seeing them conscious and recovering. He’s swept with the need to be close, to examine them for any hidden injuries, to confirm for _certain_ they’re alright.

He sticks to just shuffling over slowly, and pulling them to their feet one after another. Their hands are burning, where his own feel cold still. The feeling lingers after they let go.

All around them are his brothers and the Salamandrians they became friends(?) with at some point during this whole fiasco. No one seems to be dead or dying, so, props to them for not screwing up that badly today. Meanwhile, the only truly upright and chipper person on board is the professor (as usual), who is fussing with the controls of the ship.

“Ah, good! You three are awake,” Honeycutt greets, waving at them. Donnie is getting better at reading his mood just by the orange lights of his face, and Donnie swears their robotic friend is smiling in his own way.

Ah, Honeycutt. On a level, Donnie appreciates how numb the alien robot seems to brushes with death. Or maybe he’s just good at covering up any ruffling of his metaphorical feathers. Either or, Donnie is too achy and exhausted to care much.

Honeycutt steps out from behind the controls, folding his six digits together and speaking in a pleasant voice. “Would you mind helping me start repairs of the Salamandrian’s cruiser? G’Throkka and Y’Gythgba should be waking up soon, and I feel us helping them along back into space will smooth over any residual hard feelings.”

Donnie checks with April and Casey, who shrug in response.

“I’ve worked through worse than a headache and sore extremities,” April huffs. “Not that either of you will get this, but honestly this is nothing compared to writing a final in the middle of monthly cramps.”

“Monthly-? Oh, wait, okay,” Casey nods sagely. “My little sister shoved this article in my face one time, about like, how it’s compared to major organ failure or something?”

“Sure feels like it, sometimes,” April says dryly.

“We’re off topic,” Donnie reminds, mostly because his head hurt too much to talk about the finer points of a human female’s biology. Which, despite him being a teenage guy and sometimes having _feelings_ about the opposite sex, is a genuinely engaging topic once he’s past the embarrassment of it. “Biology talk _after_ we make sure they don’t want to shoot at us anymore?”

“Raph seemed pretty chummy with the lady one,” Casey points out, and why does that sentence make Donnie feel weird. “I don’t think they’ll shoot at him at least, but ey I’m all for preventive measures against getting shot at.”

April snorts, and rolls her eyes as she starts to walk away. “I’ve never heard of you taking preventive measures against _anything,_ Jones. You run right into danger head on.”

“I preventively make sure the danger doesn’t reach anyone else. I’m my own preventive measures.”

“Sure you are,” Donnie says, elbowing Casey’s side as he follows April, “and we don’t have to prevent you from getting yourself killed every third evening of the week.”

Casey blusters as he trails after them. “I take offense to that! It’s at least every second evening.”

“Are all male Terrans like him?” Honeycutt asks, mostly to April.

“Fortunately, no,” she replies, and smirks at Casey. Casey just smirks back.

“She’s right, prof,” Casey drawls, and goes so far as to flip his shaggy hair over his shoulder. “If there was more than one of me, the world wouldn’t be able to handle the overwhelming awesomeness. Casey Jones is one of a kind.”

“That’s one way of putting it,” Donnie snipes. He dodges the foot aimed to stomp his toes, catching up with April and the professor. A beat later, Casey falls into step beside them again, and they move to the outside of the ship to start on the other downed cruiser.

Donnie is alright with leaving his brothers behind without checking them over himself, because the professor would have told them if anyone was in medical distress. If there is one person in the entire universe who Donnie can trust to treat four mutant turtles, it’s Honeycutt. It frees Donnie from at least a portion of his anxiety about his siblings getting hurt.

More time to focus on his anxiety about April and Casey getting hurt, ha.

Donnie is awfully, terribly tired, but he finds the energy to keep bantering with his friends while they help the professor rebuild the broken bits of the Salamandrian ship. It’s less distressing to be outside again, once they have their helmets back and their temperature regulators working at full capacity. Donnie can still feel the cold, but it’s just a tad nippy instead of scale-cracking chilly.

It’s still cold enough to make April and Casey’s faces flush as they work, even inside their helmets, while holding and passing the pieces the professor needs. Donnie catches himself staring now and again, at the evidence of exertion they both sport. And at the bangs that fall in their faces, red and black both.

Donnie resists reaching out to fix the wayward strands, and not just because their helmets would get in the way.

By the time they’re half done, April taps them on the shoulder and points out they have company. G’Throkka and Y’Gythgba are both exiting the ship, looking much better than they had while suffocating to death.

The job is mostly passed onto them as they arrive, and Donnie steps back to observe as much of the process as he can. Memorize a little more about space tech and repairing it. It’ll come in handy at some point, he’s sure.

Things are alright from there, as alright as things tend to be after yet another near death experience, and Donnie nearly forgets there’s anything more than allyship between them and the Salamandrians. Up until the point Raph is roused from the floor of the bridge; ending up the last of them to regain consciousness. Donnie doesn’t notice it until it’s happened, the difference between G’Throkka gently shaking Mikey until he rolled over with a groan and sat up, and Y’Gythgba coaxing Raph awake with soft tones.

And then his brother is kissing an alien warrior they met a scant three hours ago, and prior to that moment seeming to confess his love, and having it _returned_.

Donnie is stuck blinking in confusion as the two of them make out in the middle of the room. Because what even.

Raph, who took weeks to even warm up to April as a grudging _companion,_ not even considering her a friend until over a month later. Raph, who is suspicious and surly towards anyone who isn’t the five members of their team. Raph, who dislikes unnecessary romances in movies, keeps physical contact within the ‘gruff affection’ range at the best of times, and just. Wouldn’t _do this._

Donnie catches similar looks of _what the fuck_ on his brothers’ faces. Leo looks plain confused, and Mikey is tilting his head slowly to the side. Like he’s trying to see things from a different angle, and hoping it’ll make more sense that way.

Casey lets out a laugh that sounds half startled, and April is crossing her arms and quirking an eyebrow. Neither of them looks particularly believing of what’s happening, either.

“Man, I told you,” Casey says, but doesn’t sound as convinced of things as he’s trying to be. No one does more than mumble an acknowledgement, watching Raph standing on tiptoes and seeming to whisper _sweet nothings_ to a woman who is probably a decade or more older than him.

Donnie had a moment, while they were waiting for the rest the repairs to be finished and for the others to wake up, to discreetly research the Salamandrian race. Y’Gythgba is younger than G’Throkka for sure, but not so much she’s the same age as Donnie and his siblings. What he can judge of her at a glance tells him she’s at least the equivalent of late twenties. The matured color of her skin patterns and current rank in the Salamandrian armada says so.

They say goodbye to the Salamandrians- which is now _awkward_ feeling, instead of just triumphant, because Raph and Y’Gythgba are making. Eyes. At each other. And that’s uncomfortable for everyone in the room being forced to witness it.

Donnie feels a squirm of… disquieted feelings, in his stomach.

Raph is, for all his bluff and bravado, sensitive to certain things. Cockroaches, criticism… losing things important to him.

And however often he says how much he’s annoyed with them, the most important thing Raph has is their family. People he cares about. And once he cares about someone… that’s it. He cares and he won’t _stop_ caring, no matter how many fights he has with the person later, or storms off in a huff when he gets tired of people in general, or just manages to be asshole enough he’s unbearable.

Even in the aftermath of their worst fights, Donnie always knew eventually Raph would come back. He’d come back and he’d stay, and will have never really left at all. And that’s just how his brother has always been. Loved slowly, but loved _hard_ once it was under his skin.

Donnie is terribly suspicious this will just end in his brother getting his heart broken by a fling that means nothing to his partner, and means everything to him.

And Donnie blames that for majority of the discomfort in his gut. But knows, despite how selfish it may be… it’s in part because he’s unused to having to share Raph like that.

How many more chances will any of them get to have with romance? With someone who will look at them and not be disgusted, or horrified, or anything like that? Who’ll actually _kiss_ them, and say aloud for everyone to hear that they’re _wanted_ , and _loved_.

Y’Gythgba is probably going to break Raph’s heart, but wouldn’t it be better like that? Like how the saying goes- _better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all._

Donnie, despite knowing that, and reminding himself that, and trying to just _let it be,_ it’s his brother’s _one chance_ for this- feels prickly, and unhappy, and not at all like letting someone new into their very small, very tightly knit group.

There’s another saying he knows, about how when you marry a person, you marry the family. And Donnie isn’t sure he wants anyone to insert themselves into his family like that.

And isn’t that just horrendous of him to think? To deny his siblings, even just in his head, the chance to have someone who loves them for who they are. Even if they’re random, bloodthirsty military aliens from another planet.

Though Donnie supposes, in some instances that description applies to the six of them. But that’s beside the point.

He sighs, and tries to put the complicated thoughts out of mind. It doesn’t quite work.

Donnie drifts away his family after G’Throkka and Y’Gythgba depart. Half so he doesn’t feel the need to point out the obvious to Raph, and in doing so crush his brother’s delusions of this working out in any way, and half because looking at Raph’s lovesick expression is making Donnie a different kind of ill.

 

 

 

So, to add onto the growing list of things his brain is being weird about: the thought of Raph dating a random space lizard lady out of the blue. Salamander lady. Whatever.

Point is, Mikey doesn’t like it. And that’s making him annoyed.

Plus he’s cold, and tired, and sore, and _not_ in the mood to wrestle with weird thoughts while trying to act normal around everyone else. It’s been one hell of a bad day and frankly Mikey isn’t up to dealing with anything more from it.

And they have a lot of time to kill before their next move, anyway. The trail of the Triceraton’s armada will take some time to find again, according to the professor. Since it’s a case of cloaking equipment versus tracking equipment, and everything gets cancelled out or scrambled because of it.

That’s all tech and science stuff, so Mikey stays out of the conversation. On the ground, when it’s a single individual or a group of them, or maybe a vehicle, he has a pretty good shot of being able to track someone down. They all do, but he’s kinda become a master of it over time. It’s one of his many excellent ninja skills, and a specialty that is unfortunately useless in space. You don’t exactly leave tracks to follow in the void, ha.

So now he’s bored, exhausted to the point of irritation, and has a bunch of annoying thoughts stuffed up in his skull. The main thing that’s bothering him is the repeating image of Raph canoodling with the Y-something lady, and the more times it repeats in his head, the more the feeling of _um yeah no thanks_ increases in him.

On the umpteenth time around with those thoughts, Mikey hisses aloud and throws up his hands in frustration. There’s only Leo left to witness the dramatics- everyone else already having vanished off to their own activities from the ship’s bridge- and he startles slightly as Mikey goes storming off.

“Mikey?” Leo calls after him. “Is something the matter?”

“Bad thoughts!” Mikey yells back, just before the doors shut behind him.

Mikey is cold, tired, and now squirrely in the brain- it’s a real relief that there’s no one between him and his destination. He’d take a shower to chase out the chill, but they have a limited water supply. He’d go try napping in his room, but he’s already so wound up that he knows he’ll just toss and turn in the dark.

Nah, he’ll have to go pull out the big guns for today. Tonight? They’re in a waking cycle right now, but who knows what time that is on earth anymore.

With the icy temperatures of space and more than half of their team being reptiles, they’d had to get a little creative with how to modulate their health. Warmer bedroom climates, higher intake of vitamins- less junk food because of that solution, ugh- and once Donnie got good at designing simulations in the holodeck…

Mikey is happy that no one is inside the holodeck at the moment, stepping into the wide room and letting out a sigh. Usually, he can’t get enough of socializing, but right now he’s kind of wrung out and unsettled. All he wants is time to himself to get everything sorted again.

Tapping the control screen to the side of the doorway, he skims through the training simulations they’ve made so far, and picks the one he’s looking for. As the walls of the holodeck light up and obscure themselves, the third solution to their biology needs materializes.

His surroundings are now the same summery hot weather of the farmhouse, complete with grass and woods. But instead of the creaky old building, a massive jungle gym rises from the ground towards the achingly warm sun above.

Donnie had designed it on Raph’s request, after the fourth time Mikey had stepped on too many metaphorical toes trying to work off his excess energy/keep warm after a jaunt outside the ship. It’s technically for all of them, a wooden and metal structure designed not for kids but full grown ninjas- but Mikey uses it most, probably speaking. The farmhouse holds a lot of stifling and anxious memories, revolving around Leo’s coma and their father’s absence and the fall of New York, but it’s still the first place Mikey and his brothers ever got to walk under the sun without fear. And, _sunbathe_ under the sun without fear.

Mikey takes a running leap, and grabs the first rung of the structure he can. With practiced ease, he jumps and vaults and swings between the tall posts and their outstretching metal connectors. His body aches from all the punishment they took on those icily barren moons, but it’s hardly a problem now that he’s got a blanket of heat bearing down on him.

Mikey ascends to the top most points, where wide disc shaped platforms top the posts and hammocks hang between them; the platforms about five feet in diameter and hammocks made of soft white ropes. Mikey lands atop one of the platforms, stretching and sighing before flopping down bonelessly on the wood that’s starting to really heat up.

Better. Much better. As much as he associates being underground or in the dark with safety and familiarity, the hot sun is something that scratches an instinctive itch in him. Soothing warmth flowing through his scales and down into his bones, wrapping them in the same gold as the fake sun above him.

Mikey breathes in deeply, and lets it out slowly. For a moment, he just lies there on his front and indulges in something he didn’t get to do for the first sixteen years of his life.

Once he feels like he’s completely cocooned in delicious heat, only then does Mikey start to try sorting out the stuff clogging his headspace. So Raph has a girlfriend now. Okay, not great feeling, but he can… roll with it, probably.

But _why_ is it such a problem for that to be happening?

First thing Mikey thinks is that maybe it’s that he’s just not used to sharing his brothers with anyone- but, no, not true. Donnie’s had a crush on April for years, and Mikey never had a problem with that. Neither did he with Casey _also_ having a crush on April, after the point she went from just a friend to basically family, or with Raph spending a large chunk of his time with Casey instead of Mikey and their siblings. None of that was a problem, and Mikey didn’t ever feel particularly jealous when Donnie and Raph started having deeper friendships with their humans, so why is this suddenly such a god damn _deal_ for Mikey?

Maybe he just feels lonelier than usual, since he’s gotten used to having a handful of people to see on a semi-regular basis instead of just… the six of them together like this. But it was alright at the farmhouse- kinda, that still mostly sucked- so… where’s all this coming from?

Maybe it’s because… a part of Mikey never genuinely believed April and Donnie would get together, and Raph and Casey were just bros, and it wasn’t ever a case of Mikey having to see someone else get intensely close with one of his siblings. So perhaps it’s the actual romantic relationship that’s bothering him?

But…

Mikey hums, wrinkles his snout, and imagines the idea of Donnie and April _actually_ being together, and Raph and Casey being a little _more_ than wrestle happy friends, and… yeah, that’s not a problem at all. Thinking of them like that doesn’t make Mikey squirmy or lonely, and if anything… it sounds pretty darn good, having April and Casey even _more so_ tangled up in his weird family.

Which sets him back where he started: feeling uncomfortable with Raph’s new relationship. Because things working out so neatly with their human friends won’t ever happen, and this might be Raph’s one chance at having someone he likes like _him_ back.

And besides, while Mikey personally has never had a real preference for gender, or need to talk about that sort of thing, he’s pretty sure Raph is straight for the most part. He’s never said otherwise, so Raph and Casey wouldn’t happen, and Donnie called dibs on April ages ago.

Mikey sullenly wonders if his formerly unfounded fears of them all splitting up might come true, at least regarding Raph. Which would majorly suck, because Mikey genuinely can’t imagine living without Raph around to be his asshole brother who is secretly _such_ a softy.

Mikey hopes it’s just a spur of the moment fling, like every romcom has taught him, and eventually Raph will see what he wanted was right in front of him all along among the people who were with him every step of the way-

Wait, no.

Ugh. That sounds wrong. Like he’s implying…

Mikey covers his face, groaning as that thought gets bungled up and turns as weird as all the rest. He’ll stop thinking now, thanks, brain.

Banishing all the confusing thoughts, Mikey shuts his eyes and lets the heat of the artificial sun lull him into a catnap. Just so he can escape all the stuff in his head for a bit, and rest up from the exertion on Thalos’ moons. If his faint impressions of dreams drift into scenes of intimacies he otherwise isn’t ready to think of consciously, then that’s not his fault.

Mikey sleeps for a blissfully warm while, comfortable in his pocket of space where everything is bright and nothing is dangerous or painful at all, up until something on the edge of his senses draws him towards consciousness again.

He’s still mostly asleep up to that point, and for all his sleep addled brain knows, he’s left the heater on in his room again and is happily roasting himself into a coma. So when something foreign and pointy jabs his side, right where his cartilage stops and sensitive scales begin- Mikey reacts accordingly to all the mounting trauma he’s gone through the past months, and half buried fight or flight instincts that are hardly human at all.

He leaps up with a small shriek, scrambling away on all fours from whatever his brain is yelling about _attacking him-_ and then promptly comes close to slipping right off the edge of his sleeping platform, barely grabbing the edge in time to stop himself.

“Oh, _shit!”_ April says, grabbing for his arms and hauling him back up. Mikey feels something invisible and kind of tingly wrap around him, and knows she’s using her telekinesis to assist them both.

“ _Dude,”_ Mikey snaps, nerves jangling and kind of pissed about that.

“Sorry, sorry! I thought you heard me talking,” April says sheepishly, cheeks flushing. She pulls him back up the rest of the way and releases her physical and psychic grip on him. They both sit heavily on the platform again, panting a little from the shock of the experience.

Mikey’s right arm twinges, and he goes to squeeze his shoulder and rotate the arm. “Aw, come on, you made me pull something. Not cool, April.”

“I said I was sorry,” April mutters, lips pulled into a grimace. “I really did think you heard me talking to you all the way up here. You usually know when someone’s near you anyway, even without us warning.”

Mikey rubs the back of his neck for good measure, feeling kinks and knots from stuff besides the scare, and shrugs. “I think the sun messes with me a little. I’m not used to it, so I get... extra sleepy, or something. It’s all good, sorry for snapping. I’m, uh… a little wound up, I think.”

“Same,” April sighs, and looking at her more closely, she sort of dull around the edges. Exhausted and maybe a little unhappy.

“You okay?” Mikey asks, concerned. If she’s hurt and concealing an injury, he’ll have to totally bring the full force of everyone else’s concern down on her.

“Hm? Oh, how so?”

“Like, feeling okay in general. Nothing hurting more than it should, nothing you’d like to share with the class…?”

April looks away, expression still in a grimace. “I’m fine. Just tired, kinda cold.”

“You _sure?”_

“Yes, I’m sure. How about you? What’s got you all wound up?”

Mikey thinks of all the weird stuff he’d been pondering just before his nap, and shakes his head subtly. “Nothin’ really. It’s just been a nasty day to be a mutant reptile, you know?”

“Ah, right. That makes sense. At least it’ll be summer on earth when we get back?” April offers.

“Not like I’ll have a chance to soak up the sun or anything, but yeah, at least the weather will be nice and warm even at night. I hate the damn cold, ugh.”

April glances around them, and at the fake sun shining above. “On a similar note, I’m guessing that’s why you came in here?”

“You got it,” Mikey replies, and gives himself one more stretch before resuming his original position. Just a little more to the side now, since April decided to join him. Her presence of warm yellow jumpsuit and orange-red hair is welcome, though. She’s not tied into any of the _especially_ weird tangles in his head, so it’s kind of a break from that.

“Mind if I join you?” April asks.

“Bro, go right ahead. Plenty of platform for everyone.”

“Thanks, but I think I’ll take a hammock instead. Humans don’t do super well sleeping on hard surfaces.”

“Eh, neither do turtles, but I’ll manage. This is warmer anyway.”

“Fair enough.”

Mikey hears April stand up as he closes his eyes, and isn’t expecting the double pat to the center of his shell before she hops off the platform. It’s a nice kind of touch, solid but light- the kind she’s gotten comfortable giving him and his brothers over the years, as she got used to their almost-always-in-your-space interactions and affection.

Mikey opens one hooded eye, watching April get herself comfortable in a hammock right beside his platform; suspended to a pillar that’s taller than his, and thus holding the hammock at level with Mikey. He watches her stretch out, perfectly balanced and totally unafraid of being thirty feet off the ground, and open her mouth to expose two rows of perfect little white teeth in a yawn.

“Forgot how nice this feels,” April mumbles, half to herself, and Mikey’s lips quirk in a smile. If he’s right, she’s talking about the lazy afternoons they spent on the farmhouse lawn. Killing time and killing anxiety about Leo’s ever extending sleep with bad jokes, doodle piles in sketchbooks borrowed from Raph, and daydream filled catnaps. Sometimes others would join them, sometimes it was just them.

Mikey likes that memory. Kind of loves it, honestly. It’s good and safe to think about, bringing up feelings of contentment since Leo turned out to be fine in the end.

Mikey lets his jaw stretch in his own yawn, showing off his blockier teeth, and adjusts his head on his arms. He lets himself make the _tiiiniest_ purr, just to himself, because even if a lot of things are confusing and stressful and maybe even a little painful to think about- right here and now is _good,_ and he’s pretty sure he really needs that.

 

 

 

April’s eyes have been shut for a few minutes, when a faint sound makes her open them again. It’s like… more so something she can feel, and can barely really hear.

It takes her a moment, looking around, to realize its coming from Mikey. And then she smiles to herself, since she now can recognize and remember the sound.

She’s spent the better part of the past few years of her life with the brothers. Eventually, whether it makes them embarrassed or not to do so or even admit having done it, she was going to hear them make that thrum in their chest, tiny little rumbles up their throats, turning into a purr kind of like a large cat’s makes.

She’s only heard it a few times properly. A few times by accident, when she’s in the same space as one or more of the brothers, and someone gets comfortable and sleepy enough they do it without noticing. Once, and most memorable in her mind, had been just after Leo woke up from his coma, and Raph spent a good few hours sleeping sitting up next to his brother on the couch- sharing the blankets they kept piling on their ailing leader, and making the strangest and sweetest rumble in his chest for it.

She’s heard it a number of times from Mikey, one of the quirks even he’s a little shy about sharing, and almost all of them were while they were sunning themselves on the farmhouse’s lawn. When his guard is completely down and he’s stretched out or curled up, totally out of it. Donnie she’s heard it from only once, when he’d been delirious with sleepiness and seemed to forget himself as she rubbed his shell to rouse him, urging him to find a real bed and just _sleep_ already. And she’s heard it just twice from Leo- both times after he’d injured his vocal cords, bleary and feverish and a little ragged in parts as he healed. He’d leaned his forehead into her hand during one of those times, eyes half closed, and April’s palm had tingled for hours after.

April never calls them on it- she feels like it’s something they’re not comfortable advertising to anyone, not even her- but does treasure the moments when they’re just so _calm_ and _content_ that they can’t help themselves. That level of trust, from the four of them, with their circumstances and upraising and just… _everything_ about their lives that should make it so they’d never trust someone that much… it’s incredible, truly.

They really are so special to her, and that’s why even under the holodeck’s warm artificial sun, April has a cold spot in her heart. About Raph.

They don’t have anything between them. He’s not even the brother who showed interest in her. _She’s_ never showed her interest in him. And yet, here she is hurting over him choosing Y’Gythgba like an idiot.

April feels selfish for that, and more than a little guilty. She’s already had Donnie’s eye for years, and Casey’s, too- not just being unable to choose between them, but wanting _more_ than just their affections is just- awful of her. Inexcusably so.

April puts an arm over her eyes, and lets out a long sigh.

She needs to get over herself, and let her friends find happiness. Even if it doesn’t involve her.

Better to focus on what she _can_ have, like here and now- this little private moment of spending time with someone who values her as a friend and just that, and feels safe enough with her nearby he’s willing to show a part of himself that’s as vulnerable as an exposed throat.

If she can’t have anything else of Mikey, or his brothers, or Casey, _any_ of them- then she’ll keep these moments close enough to her heart they smolder like coals, tucked inside her so she’s warm even on a moon as frigid and deadly as Thalos.

If she’d had to die today, if she has to die in battle _ever…_ she’d want it to be with them, at their sides until the end. Her best friends. Her boys.

(Not hers, never hers- but she can wish.)

April naps shallowly, wrapped in warmth and filled with it, too, listening to the faint little purr Mikey is making. Altogether, it’s nearly enough to thaw the bitterly cold jealousy inside her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> everyone here is a hot mess, and it'll only get worse tbh.


	8. a quiet night in, after a chaotic day out.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> still not dead.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> someone commented recently on this fic, and then my ipod obliged by giving me a song that vibes this series. a chapter resulted, shortly after i asked a friend to pick a pairing that needed some work.
> 
> hello again, all.

Mikey’s life is really fun. Seriously fantastic. He just loves how they hop from almost being killed by a robot factory, plus a _space shark_ mercenary who had no right being as tough to get rid of as he was- and jump right to nearly getting murdered by a whole planet.

At least they got a piece of the generator. With is safely contained in the lower half of the ship, Mikey feels he’s going to sleep a tiny bit easier. Only for a short while, probably, but hey. Good sleep is a rare and precious commodity. He’ll take what he can get.

And he’ll need it, given the aches in his body, and the unsettled migraine that edges his brain. The Aeon’s planet _messed_ with him, same as it did everyone else, and Mikey feels kind of violated. In retrospect, the anger and riling tempers that’d taken hold of them all made him feel sick. He hadn’t noticed, but with a clear head he remembers his stomach churning, skull aching- a nasty, buzzing pain in his chest, driving him to take it all out on the closest persons to him.

Yeah, no, even though the Aeons had thanked them and handed over the generator piece without a fight, he’s still not exactly warm and fuzzy towards them. _They_ screwed up their own planet, and that planet tried to screw up Mikey and his family. And no one, _no one_ screwed with him and his.

He’s more than glad they’re leagues from the planet now, safely back into free space between collections of worlds and taking a rest. Before they go running off again to find more pieces of the generator, they’re getting some much needed R&R.

Mikey _would_ like to spend some time with his family, reaffirm everything cruel that they did and said didn’t mean anything, but of course they’re all making that hard. Leo is in the holodeck, having left a sign on the door saying to not disturb him; he’s meditating and won’t be out for another few hours. Raph locked himself in his room pretty much immediately, definitely in a no talking mood. Mikey saw a glimpse of Donnie with his head down and eyes on a screen already, as well as Casey with him; both of them presumably off to tinker on the skimmer ship that’s still broken. April disappeared before all of them combined, not seen since.

And so there was one. Lame. Mikey leaves the professor to his ship steering activities, wandering deeper into their vessel home without much direction. He’s already been patched up for injuries, same as everyone else, so now all he’s got is free time.

A movie is probably really the only thing he has to do right now, unless he feels like dredging up the focus for reading.

Mikey then remembers the certain books he has stored on his holo-pad, and promptly feels a thread of heat cross his face. Not today; he has enough to process and compartmentalize without adding the contents of those books he can’t bring himself to delete.

So. Movie it is.

Mikey is mildly surprised to find he’s not alone, when he enters the room. His eyes go to the person sitting on the couch barely a second after the doors shut behind him; drawn by the sort of sixth sense he’s got for his family when they’re nearby.

It’s April’s red hair that holds his attention for a moment; the way it’s out of her signature ponytail for once, falling around her shoulders in messy waves. She hardly ever has it down, what with how their lives can turn from calm to life-threatening on a dime. For her to have it down can mean two things: one, she’s comfortable enough and safe enough feeling she can let it chance getting in her eyes. Two, she’s actively seeking those feelings of security, and is trying to force them.

After the last few hours, Mikey wouldn’t be surprised if it were the latter. He himself feels rattled, twitchy but in such an exhausted way he wants to stop moving completely and forever. Wired _and_ tired, ugh.

If April is also feeling low… well, misery loves company, and that’s what Mikey wanted in the first place.

He stops to grab drinks from the thought-to-food machine, taking the hot coco with him as he approaches the couch. April is so deep in thought she doesn’t notice him coming; examining the crystal shard she’d been given.

Mikey frowns briefly. Usually, she’s twice as aware as anyone else. Her psychic abilities give her advantage on top of her ninja training.

Still, fatigue can dull anyone’s senses. Mikey gives her an expression that’s only warmth and kindness when they meet eyes, him coming around the corner of the couch and sitting next to her.

“Fancy some company?” he asks, offering the warm drink.

April smiles wanly, tucking away her crystal and taking the mug. She sips it, shivering once and grimacing. “Thanks… I think I’m still coming out of shock. It suddenly got really cold in here.”

“Same feel,” Mikey mumbles, sipping at his own coco. Its thick and sweet and just what he needs to chase out the unsettling cold inside him. The moons of Thalos have nothing on this; the leftover sensations of having his emotions and relationships twisted up and reversed.

“You doing alright?” he asks, lowering his mug and holding it to warm his palms. April shrugs.

“Well as any of us are, I think,” she replies. “This mission… I won’t say I told you so, but I _told_ you so. It got fucked up, Mikey, just like I knew it would.”

“I know, I know,” Mikey says tiredly. “We shouldn’t’ve gone down onto the planet of pure evil without a better plan, even if we thought we had one.”

“ _And_ you all should’ve listened to me right off the bat, when I said _hey,_ this feels weird. How about we _don’t_ do this?”

“That’s more of a Leo scolding than a me scolding? I’m not exactly captain here, April. Aim it at the person who makes the big decisions.”

April snorts and rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry; I’ll be chewing you all out if I get my way.”

“Oh, good. Equal opportunity to get bitched out.”

“That’s the gist, yeah. How many times do we have to almost die before _some people_ start listening to their psychic on hand?”

“Can we say however many times this is? ‘cause I promise _I’ll_ listen really well from now on.”

“You don’t listen to _anyone,_ Mikey,” April exclaims in exasperation, and the smile she makes as she does finishes the job of warming Mikey up.

April has a nice smile, the way it crinkles her eyes and makes a tiny little dimple appear on one cheek. He can’t remember when or why it happened, but Mikey knows the first time she’d smiled for him, _at_ him… it’d been a whole new rush of satisfaction, of bubbly happiness. The first friend he ever had, and the first smile she ever gave him.

Sometimes, he’d think about it, about how if Donnie hadn’t made it clear he had intentions… _maybe_ Mikey could have…

But no, he’s got this. April’s smile and her laughter and them both sharing a couch together after an awful day. They’ve done it before, and will probably again. Mikey can count it among his favorite things associated with her.

Mikey reaches over to the coffee table, snagging the remote. “Care to join me in a movie, even if I’ll ignore all your votes on what we watch?”

“I feel like all we ever do is watch movies when someone isn’t trying to kill us,” April says dryly. “But, yes.”

“What else we supposed to do right now? We’re in the middle of deep space, bruh,” Mikey says. “The roaming charges for wifi use would be horrifying.”

April laughs, light and easy, and it makes Mikey feel warmer than the coco in his hands.

 

 

 

It’s comfortable to sink into the couch with April near him; letting the movie flow over them both without taking in too many details, easing out of the post-battle tension they all always have.

Mikey notices later though, as the second half of _Finding Nemo_ is playing, that April has her crystal out again. The way she’s turning it in her fingers, light refracting on its smooth surface- her expression is so intent, whereas it’d been peaceful and humored just a short while ago watching the movie. She’s not paying any attention to the animated fish now, though.

Sometimes, Mikey will hyper focus on things, too, after a big fight. Something small and malleable, to occupy his mind while it sorts itself out. He breaks out his baking when he has those moods, but it’s been ages since he had access to a real kitchen. However April coped with her own post-battle moods back on earth, she probably is in the same boat as Mikey. Limited resources, having to make do.

He moves a little closer to her, nudging April’s side with his elbow. “Hey, you good?”

April’s eyes refocus, lifting from her crystal and going to Mikey; it’s tucked into her pocket again as she looks at him. She’s got tiredness to her eyes, the same that Mikey can feel in his bones. And not unexpectedly, just as it’s been for Mikey, April seems somewhat haunted by what happened on the Aeon’s planet. What it nearly did to them all.

“I’m… exhausted, mostly,” April says, a near smile gracing her lips for a brief second. Then it falls away again, turning into a frown. “It’s been a long day. And… you still feel it, too, right? The… corruption?”

“Trying to not,” Mikey confesses. “It’s all icky and gross feeling; kinda stuck up in me still.”

April nods in understanding, her still loose hair shifting as she does. Mikey watches it for a moment, as the strands that curl slightly on their ends find new resting places- then he refocuses on April herself.

She looks pensive and worn out; not the look he wants for her right now. He wants them both to be relaxed and feeling better, not still dwelling on something that’d been out of their control.

“I can’t believe it had that much effect on us,” April says quietly, the blue of the big screen flickering across her fair features. Her eyes turn worried. “What if we’d… what if someone went too far before we snapped out of it? You got your helmet broken, Mikey. What if you’d-?”

“I’m trying _really_ hard not to think about that, okay?” Mikey interrupts, a little sharper than he wants. The prickle of the near death experience that hadn’t actually _been_ that… it echoes in him for a moment, on top of everything else that happened.

“Sorry,” April apologizes. “Sorry, I just- I talk things out, with myself or other people, when I want to process it all? I don’t get a lot of chances these days, but… it feels good. For me.”

Mikey sighs. “Yeah, I get that. But I mostly try to move on instead, right? If everyone’s okay and we still have all our fingers and toes attached, then no big deal. And like you said- nobody has time for that kind of stuff these days anyway.”

April puts a hand on Mikey’s bicep, curling her fingers lightly and rubbing soothingly. Part of him wants to move closer into the touch.

“We’ve got a bit of time before our next adventure,” April says gently. “You can have it be a bit of a big deal if you wanted, Mikey. My dad always told me talking things out makes it easier to handle when you’re alone.”

Mikey nearly declines again, but hesitates. It’s true that talking things out makes him feel better, sometimes, but he saves those times for when he knows it won’t interfere with anything else, or dire emergency moments he _really_ doesn’t know what the fuck he’s doing. But…

They have time, here and now. No one is immediately hunting them, none of them are in danger more than they ever are, and… April is so easy, to be close to and comfortable around. He trusts her.

Mikey hasn’t always, but he trusts April completely and utterly.

“…The helmet thing was really scary,” Mikey admits slowly.

“I know,” April says, and as gentle as her tone, she tugs him over for a hug. Mikey isn’t expecting it, but- it’s good, warm. Safe feeling.

He tries not to shy away from his memories too badly, pushing past them to say, “The part everyone started fighting really sucked, too.”

“I know,” April whispers, hushed and tender. She understands. She _gets_ that it hurts to think about it now, those confusing, horrible moments where they could barely tell their family from foe. She doesn’t have to say it, but Mikey knows April understands perfectly.

“I’d like it if we never, ever went back there,” he whispers.

April hugs him tighter. “I know. We won’t. We’re not going to. I promise.”

April can’t promise those things and they both know it. Fate and their quest will take them wherever it wants, and they’ll go no matter how terrible the places. But the words are welcome anyway, just as the hug around his neck is. Mikey puts his face in April’s soft hair, quietly taking in her unique scent and letting it put him at ease.

 _Safety, friendship,_ home. Those are things April’s scent is associated with. Those things, combined with the mammal warmth of her body against him, drive back the lingering terror of what they all went through.

Mikey hugs April a little tighter to himself, and tries not to wonder what it’d have felt like if he lost her, if he lost _any_ of his remaining family on that planet.

“You good?” April asks after a long pause, and Mikey smiles, laughing softly.

“If you are,” he says, leaning back enough to see her face. April returns his expression of mirth, relief, and affection.

“If you are,” she echoes, and Mikey’s smile turns into a grin.

 

 

 

A part of him wants to curl up fully around April, tucking all her heat and comfort right up against him, but Mikey retrains himself to just putting his head on her shoulder. She’s soft yet strong, gentle and brave, and it’s _good_ to just sit and talk together. April’s voice and his voice mingling together through the dialogue from the movies; rising and falling as their conversations do.

It’s not all about what happened with the Aeons. Some of it is normal stuff- for them, at least. About training, about missing their pit stops on patrol for food, about what sort of planet they hope to visit next… it’s a nice faltering kind of tempo, their talk. They start, and stop, and start again without awkwardness or hesitation.

Mikey feels himself wanting to purr, so comfortable and relaxed with his friend. But… he doesn’t feel so comfortable as to do something like that. Not with April so close she’d feel the vibration of his plastron and throat. At a distance, he can do so, but this closely pressed he’d feel so intensely embarrassed he’d choke on the sound. It’s just… not something he can do with her; even with her being his first best friend. Not even Donnie- or maybe especially not Donnie- has done so with April.

It’s just- not a line they can cross, as just friends. And maybe not even if they were more, with all the complications of romance ever being a possibility for them, the concept of someone _wanting_ Mikey, or any of them, still foreign and strange even after Y’Gythgba and his brother hooked up. Trying to imagine it with _April,_ who cares about them as they are, but is still very much a human girl who will undoubtedly want another human for a partner in the end… yeah, it’s just not possible for the two of them, even outside of the context of their family.

(And that’s a thought Mikey’s not having again, thanks. He said and did some shitty stuff today with his brothers, but the last thing he’ll do is purposefully break Donnie’s heart by getting a crush on April.)

No, it’s good enough to have their sides pressed together like this, talking quietly and spending time with someone they trust wholly and completely.

But, April’s hand stays around his through the rest of _Finding Nemo_ , and seeks him out once again after they pick a new film.

Mikey doesn’t think about it too hard. (Or, he tries to not.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> goodbye once more.

**Author's Note:**

> this is trash, but hey its my trash.


End file.
